by Dr. Deborah Bauers

Created on: November 16, 2009

For some children, the social skills necessary for elementary school success seem innate. These students are the ones for whom social acceptance comes easily. Their elementary school years are filled with satisfying relationships and multiple opportunities to win the approval of those around them. They find it easy to make and keep friendships and have the kind of magnetic personality that draws others to them. These children effortlessly gain group approval and develop a following of kids who emulate them and look up to them as peer role models.

Where does the socially acceptable child's skill set come from? Many child psychologists believe it to be a combination of nature and nurture; a genetic predisposition for a likeable personality in combination with good social skills being taught at home. With no apparent deficits in mental, emotional, or physical development, these children are able to forge ahead with no impediments to their social success.

But for many elementary age children, heading off to school is a frightening experience that is frequently intensified by learning disabilities, mental health issues, shyness, and introverted personalities. They are the ones who are either shunned and ignored, or picked on and made the brunt of cruel jokes and mean-spirited tricks. Other children who are considered popular often pick on students who are the "misfits" because it gains them attention and elevates their social status among their friends.

Students with disabilities struggle with many of the normative behaviors that are frequently associated with a child who is well-adjusted and well-liked. ADHD children often miss social cues or are left out because they appear much less emotionally mature than others. Learning disabled students may struggle with verbal classroom participation and be laughed at or labeled "dumb." due to the ways they communicate. Students who exhibit high levels of anxiety are frequently the last to be picked for playground sports or avoided all together because they act "weird."

Elementary aged children can be very "black and white" about what is considered "normal" and what is considered "different." "Different" often means unacceptable and the child who is seen as different may be socially rejected by his peers.

If elementary aged children who struggle socially are to have the opportunity to overcome disabilities and learn appropriate social cues and manners, they must be taught to do so. Here are some tips for helping them develop

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