by Michael Cawdrey

Created on: February 15, 2007   Last Updated: May 15, 2007

Pregnancy, one of the most exciting/scary and fascinating times of a female's life time, where expectations of the future takes hold of everyone involved, and develops in a shower of new baby clothes, toys and cribs. In this 9 month period, the Father of the unborn child is often cast aside, and forgotten about, almost hidden behind his lover's bump. Why does this occur? I felt myself wondering. So much attention is placed on the mother, for good reason. The mother must feel protected and loved, hence why her family crowd around her like loving, but ferocious bodyguards. This often makes expecting fathers feel left out of the circle, and are seen as the breadwinner, with no emotions and feelings to call their own. This could lead to the father taking less of an interest in the baby once he/she is born. This may create, what is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy, where a prediction made about an individual comes true just because it has been stated. In this case, if the father is seen not to care about the child, and does not seem 'bothered' during the pregnancy, then the father might actually become this way. "You did not care when I was pregnant, so you obviously do not care now."

So, why do fathers leave themselves open to this type of labeling and emotional detachment? A father may be overwhelmed by the pregnancy of their loved one. If an act that was seen as pleasurable (sex), then has huge consequences (pregnancy), then they may not know how to act. Pregnancy is a huge change for both mother and father, who both have to change their lives to accommodate another. This sudden confusion may be misinterpreted by family members as not caring. The father also loses out, due to nature, the physical sides of the pregnancy. They will never feel a child kick them in the middle of the night, or feel them turning themselves over in the mother's womb.

Dads are important during pregnancy, as they are required to look after their partner throughout (This is in the case of loving couples, not the spineless men who have sexual intercourse as a one-night stand and run in the opposite direction when those lines turn blue.)

Dads are also important when the baby is eventually born. They need to, as in pregnancy, support the mother and take an active role in the child's social development. Failure to do this may lead to the 'absent father' view, where the father is not involved at all, as if they are not even there. The child must be allowed to develop a secure attachment with both parents, to ensure a healthy growth mentally. This will avoid things such as avoidance and resistance (Please refer to John Bowlby's Theory of Attachment for more details of such phenomenon)

In conclusion, whilst females are the most important people in pregnancy and, are often the most important in a child's upbringing, Males cannot take a backseat. They are an important factor in a child's development and well-being. So, the next time you hear someone complaining about their emotionless husband/boyfriend, think about it, are they truly like that, or have they learned to behave in such a manner due to the expectations of others?

Learn more about this author, Michael Cawdrey.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.