by Colette Duval

Created on: November 15, 2009   Last Updated: November 16, 2009

As human beings, we have an infinite capacity to love, and just as well. Most of the time, the love we feel for a person fits neatly into accepted categories like ' maternal love', ' sisterly / brotherly love', ' deep love for a friend ' etc. We all accept that these types of love expand to make us able to love more than on person. However, when it comes to romantic love, things become more complicated.

Our culture paints a picture of romantic love as being totally and exclusively focused on one person, our one and only soul mate which comes along but once in a lifetime. But it's not as simple as that. In fact, it is this ' exclusive' view of romantic love which all too often leads to becoming disillusioned, disappointed and frustrated when reality veers from high expectations and early promises of a perfect relationship.

Perhaps it would be better if we accepted two things from the outset: a)- that our capacity to love is in direct correlation with the capacity to love ourselves and b)- that we should accept the possibility that one ' other' may not be able to fulfill all our needs.

The more we love ourselves and are able to fill our own needs, the less likely it will be that we get confused over who we love and how many people we love. ' Love' then can be backed by commitment to love one person rather than simply following an unpredictable flow of needs and urges within ourselves.

When it does happen and we get caught up in romantic love between two people - which is entirely possible and happens despite our rational thought that it ' couldn't be happening'- it can set off a roller coaster of contradictory and overwhelming emotions. One one hand we don't want to feel that total confusion , on the other hand romantic love , by its very nature, entrances us and makes us crave more of it.

Unlike any other type of love which can give of itself in unlimited measures and does not take away love we can give to another, romantic love is different. It may shift between 2 people, it may focus on aspects of one person and aspects of the other, and its dynamics are such that it moves between people rather than encompass both in full at all times. And herein lies the problem. Emotionally loving 2 people can be enormously stressful as we are being pulled from one to the other, give all to one only to realize that in that moment we take from the other . Even if neither of object of our love is aware of the other , the person in the middle has to deal with his or her conscience

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