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Mourning the loss of someone that you loved and cared for is a process, and it is one of the most difficult ones that you will ever have to go through. It can take a significant amount of time and there may even be many times that you feel like you have mourned sufficiently and are ready to move on, only to feel the grief hit you again out of the blue. There are so many unknowns that surround death and dying since we can't ever experience it until we are gone. It's too late then to come back and tell others about it, so it is really one of the greatest mysteries of anyone's lifetime.

With so many questions that are left unanswered, it is no wonder that we have difficulty as a society understanding how to accept the entire process we go through when we face such a loss. One of the key things that we can do, though, is to answer what we can and allow ourselves to ponder the rest of our questions as deeply as we wish to delve into them. The following three questions are the ones that I personally had to ask myself and come to terms with recently when I lost someone very close to me. It was not always easy, but in thinking them through, I was able to accept the loss and the mourning process just a bit easier.

1-Is there really a Heaven? Having had unwavering and unquestioned faith in God for as long as I can remember, I was shocked when I felt that strong tower of faith begin to tremble at the very real thought of eternity. I had to really assess the faith that I had always just taken for granted and that was hard. It also increased my faith in the end, leaving it stronger than ever, but growth is often uncomfortable. Personal and spiritual growth is also always worth it.

2-What did I give to this person during their lifetime? When we lose someone, we might feel bad about the things that we never did for them, or said to them. It is much more helpful to ask yourself what you did do and focus on those things. Write down some of those memories and think about them, being thankful for those things that you did get the chance to do and say.

3-What can I do to honor the memory of my loved one? One of the things that really helped me to heal emotionally was finding ways to keep the memory of my loved one alive. Writing her stories for future generations assured me that she wouldn't be forgotten, even after I was also gone. I also gain some comfort in making sure that the gravesite is well-kept and has flowers regularly.

In coming to terms with these questions and the answers that ensued, I was able to better accept the mourning process. My personal faith was strengthened, even as it was momentarily shaken. My memories went from being regrets to being happy reminisces. I began to understand that the death of the physical body doesn't have to be the end of a person's legacy. These are things that provided me with comfort, reassurance, and hope, even in the darkest of times.

Learn more about this author, Victoria Tiegert.
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