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Living with someone who is depressed can be...well...depressing. It brings to mind that commercial that asks the question, "Who does depression affect?" and answers itself with, "Everyone". While depression may not be contagious, per se, it is catchy. I, personally, live with a wonderful man who suffers from clinical depression and feel the effects of it daily. There are good days, of course, but there are also entire weeks that aren't so good. There doesn't always have to be a reason for a bad spell, either. That is the problem with depression. There is no problem that you can pinpoint, therefore there is no solution, either.

As a wife, I feel the constant desire to make things better for him, even though I know that I can't. Often, the harder I try, the worse that it gets. He gets tired of hearing me ask him what's wrong, when nothing specific is, and I get tired of wondering what it could possibly be, even though I really know. On and on this vicious circle goes, without an end in sight. The most that I have to hope for is that the smile comes back to his handsome face sooner this time rather than later. Even knowing that, though, I continue to exhaust myself trying to "fix" the unfixable. This is where many people who love those suffering with depression find themselves. There are things that you (and I) can do to cope with daily life, with the people that we love, on the good days and those that aren't so good.

*Encourage them to get some help. There is help available in the forms of therapy, medications, and other things. While we cannot force our partners to get help, we can encourage them gently and reassure them that we won't think less of them for it and that we will stay by their side. Sometimes, the depressed person will feel like reaching out for help is an admission that something is really wrong. They may feel that as long as they don't "need help" badly enough to actually get it, then they are able to control the problem.

*Don't over-analyze everything. When a person is living with depression, they are probably frowning more than other people, they may sigh often, they may not laugh at your jokes or even really hear them. This is normal with this disease and it rarely has anything to do with you or how your relationship is going. Try not to spend hours of your life thinking about why they are reacting in these ways and allow yourself to just come to terms with the fact that it is the depression reacting.

*Keep your help available, but simple.

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