by Victoria Tiegert

Created on: November 13, 2009

People fall in love, people get married, and unfortunately, some people cheat after they do. There is no way to control whether or not you are going to wind up one of the heartbroken that have been disillusioned and crushed by the actions of another person. That is in their hands and their hands alone. That is, perhaps, the most frightening part of any relationship that you give your heart to. Every time that you allow your heart to take the lead, you are taking a risk, but that risk is often worth it. There are times, however, that it doesn't turn out that way at all.

If your spouse cheats, you may wonder if any of it was ever worth it at all. Even if you had many good years, this one devastation can certainly override those memories for a time. There will be many emotions that you will go through, but one of those that is hardest for many people, especially women, to deal with, is the burning anger. You can cry out the sadness, you can go on a self-improvement quest to fix the shattered sense of self, you can surround yourself with other friends that will allow you to laugh about this very unhumorous situation, but what can you do with the anger? Hopefully, you will rationalize any decisions that you make during the initial phase of finding out so that you spare yourself things like, humiliation, further retaliation, or jail time...but that anger is sparked and it is threatening to explode into an inferno at any moment.

If you allow that anger to keep on burning, it will rage on until it is all-consuming. The important thing to remember, though, is that it won't hurt anyone except for you. It won't make your spouse or the object of his or her indiscretion pay for what they've done. It will gain the power to destroy you and you alone. Don't allow anger to have that kind of control in your life. There are ways that you can let go of your anger and move forward, whether that is with them or without them, as a strong and healthy person.

First, if there is a way that you can do so, you really should consider expressing all of your anger, either verbally or in writing, to your partner. Try and do it in one discussion, rather than carrying it on and on and on...and so on. It is important, not only for you but also for them, that they really understand how their choices have affected other people. If, however, you do not feel that you have the control to do so in a rational manner, you can write it down in the form of a letter or a journal that only you will ever

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