by Natalie Sayin

Created on: November 13, 2009

The most terrifying feeling in the world is when you know through your own actions that you have lost the trust of someone close to you. It could be that you had an affair, you stole something precious from them or you had some issues that changed you into a monster overnight. There are ways to gain back that trust but it will take a lot of hard work, dedication and - most importantly - time. If you can provide those three things, then get set on your way to gaining the trust back of your loved one.

1 - The situation that caused you to lie or cheat must be over. Carrying on being friends with the woman that nearly ruined your marriage is not going to work. Whatever is making you stressed so that you turn into an abusing spouse must stop. If it is alcohol or drugs, then attend an abuse counseling session. If you don't know what the cause was, then ask your best friend. Very often, outsiders can tell us more about our life then we can tell ourselves.

2 - Spend lots of time with the loved one whose trust you want to gain. Do out-of-the-ordinary things that you never used to do before. It could be something simple as going to the cinema or taking them for a meal. Don't make excuses that you don't have time, because you have to make it, whether it means dropping weekly football practice with the boys, or forsaking the computer.

3 - Let them know at all times what is happening in your head. Your thoughts, your dreams, your hopes for the future. Talk about your emotions and be upfront that you are sad because you have lost their trust. Remember the slogan of the 80's from British Telecom. It was titled, "it's good to talk and never have truer words been spoken." If you are out for the day, tell your loved one what you are doing, and where you are going. The key is to be open at all times so there is no reason for your loved one to suspect you.

4 - The most important one has to be time. Whilst trust is given automatically by some people, gaining it back is not. Your loved one is not going to be fine in a week or a month. The process of gaining that trust back is a timely process taken step by step and knowing when to step up to the mark. Be patient and don't hassle them to say the words, I trust you. Let them say it in their own time when and where they want to.

Gaining trust back is a hard thing to achieve and sometimes it is better to walk away, if we feel that we can not be honest and supportive with that person. Put yourself in their shoes and if you can not deliver your promises, then don't get their hopes up.

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