by Amy Louhela

Created on: November 13, 2009

I decided to become a member of one of the local health clubs that is known to be a hopping place for the senior citizens of my community. Due to my multitude of health problems I figured it would be the least threatening place to finally get in shape. As I arrived on my first day, I checked in and then entered the locker room- I have never seen so many naked woman the funny thing is that most of these woman had to be over 70! The ironic thing about it is that most of them had better bodies then me! I realized at that moment that I would not be changing in the locker room. I grabbed my duffle bag and headed to the room of shame (the bathroom) to change into my suit. When I put my suit on I realized that it was a bit to low cutwhat would these respectable older women think? so I took the pin that holds the locker key and pinned the cleavage area together key and all I just imagined that it was a fancy brooch

When I entered the pool area the first thing that I noticed was a sign that said Please shower before entering the pool. I dutifully showered and used the hair destroying shampoo in order to be germ free. When I turned around I noticed that all of the ladies in the pool had perfectly dry heads and full faces of makeup and they all had to be at least 100lbs skinnier then me and the majority of them had lower cut suits then I did. No wonder why the place is hopping!

I quickly became the center of attention- they all correctly declared that I was new because they had never seen me before. I was asked my name, number, address, marital status, children, place of employment , what health problems I have and if I attend church and I was quizzed about my pets health and asked if I spayed or neutered my dogs. Being unemployed and lonely I basked in the attention.

After sheepishly admitting that my dog is currently pregnant one of the ladies (I will call her- Joan Rivers) says You know what Bob Barker says? I said Is he still on The Price is Right? I actually knew what was coming but was hoping that I could have distracted her by asking her another question. It didn't work and she says control your local pet population, have your dog or cat spayed or neutered. She then proceeds to give me a huge lecture and tells me how her husband hates all the dogs that are constantly pooping in her yard. I had made an enemy and here I was worried about going to the club where all the perky young girls go! She snubs me and leaves the pool and ventures into the hot tub with her side kick.

After they leave I noticed another lady who was really into her routine (I'll call her Helga) She had to be about 90. She had the figure of an 18 year old. She bounced up and down for about an hour. She did arm curls and leg kicks. She rocked the water, I think she would have beat Phelps if there was a competition in water bouncing! I attempted to say hi but before I could even get the words out I received the glare Helga was not one to speak to- she took her exercising seriously.

I decided to swim a few laps before I got out of the pool everyone in the pool looked at me in disbelief and I realized that I had just broke some cardinal rule. A very nice lady explained to me that the pool is small and because there are so many people in it we are suppose to swim cross-wise not length wise. I had enough As I was leaving the pool I realized that at least I had mastered the skill of water bouncing and that I might just be able to fit in eventually.

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