by Alek Hillel

Created on: November 12, 2009   Last Updated: November 13, 2009

Great point about people going to any lengths to hold onto a relationship, whether objectively it's a good idea or not. I've been in relationships that have been easy to walk away from and other's that have seemed almost impossible to break away. In those circumstances where it has been hard a power struggle has always existed.

Most of the time, I am convinced that the relationship is over, but I'm not ready for it to end. So, I attempt to stall the inevitable breakup as long as possible until a sufficient substitute for the relationship can be found. A lot of times so much resentment has built up that it seems whatever you do, it will be doomed for failure. You get to a point where dinner, flowers, and sex won't cut it. At that point a necessary intervention must be staged. This cannot be done over the phone, email, or instant messenger because all of those methods make it easier for the other person to reject you. Here are some suggestions for retaining a relationship:

Create Value. Showcase that it will be more valuable to stay as opposed to splitting.

Be sincere as you can. Most people aren't stupid and they can spot phoniness. Bring your A game and don't hesitate to shed some tears. Bring up future plans. If there are things in the future that can be used as leverage bring them up.

Give them the dignity to make their own decisions. Make it seem like they have some control, but if you know the person well enough you have to find that button that brings them to a rational state of thought and exploit it.

Meet in a place far from their residence and drive the car so they don't have an easy escape if things get crazy. Remember, that everyone has a breaking point and there is a fine line between cracking and breaking.

Be firm but not so firm that it makes them easy to spot your domineering ways.

Try and get them to do a trial run. Kind of like a money back guarantee. If they're not satisfied after x amount of days then you tell them that you will walk away.

DO NOT resort to physical confrontations! While this may have worked way back when it doesn't work anymore and you set yourself up for nasty retaliation from members of the target's family and friends. Also, if the law gets involved you can pretty much kiss your chances goodbye.

DO NOT threaten. Pretty much the same reason as above. If people feel threatened they will throw up their guard. Not good.

Don't look pathetic. Your partner is going to want somebody who is vulnerable but not totally spineless.

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