by abcelephant

Created on: November 12, 2009

Clench your sweaty palms and own up to the fact that you're rejecting somebody, whether your resisting a date or a small favor. The larger the question, the larger the disappointment that's going to swell up in your chest. Gritting your teeth and mumbling a "sure" isn't going to get you many places, because if you let the person know they're making you do something you don't want to do, it would make them feel worse. A happy, smiley "Of course!" is worse for you, because obviously you don't want to do the task you're being asked to do.

So how do you let them down? Do you beat around the bush, do you act as if you aren't the person for the job, or do you lie? The last option may seem like the most appealing, but it comes with a price. You wouldn't want the phone to ring and the person on the other line to say, "Ginger? I thought you were at a baseball game."

"It was canceled."

"Of course it was." People aren't stupid, you have to realize, and they will figure you out sooner of later. Will an up-front no do? If you're thinking about saying no, put yourself in that persons shoes. Imagine how desperate you are, or imagine how easy you can find somebody else to do the favor. If you have no excuse and you just really don't want to baby sit your friends kids, you can suggest somebody else. Giving somebody hope in the favor still being accomplished is the best way to let them down. In fact, shifting the pressure onto somebody else may seem unhealthy, but it spares the other persons feelings. You could of course suggest somebody who would be willing to take care of a couple of babies, or else you'll be sticking somebody else in the same situation.

If it's a "Will you go out with me," then the task becomes a bit more difficult. Being rejected is heart-wrenching, and being the rejecter labels you as heartless, as horrible, as somebody to avoid. Saying, "I think Sally likes you," may make it better, but not much can help you here. What you can do is sit down with the hopeful boy or girl and tell them that you can be just friends, that you don't like you that way, but you would hate to lose them. If anything, make it seem like you're the one who's asking. Please still be my friend, please. I don't want to do this to you, please forgive me. I'm so sorry. On the other hand, it can pressure the other person and make them feel bad for putting you on the spot like this. Some situations need individual attention.

You can cheat, you can lie, or you can just say it. I do not want to. It will earn a dismayed look from some, but they will find somebody else to do their bidding, and the episode will pass over within a couple of seconds, and days will pass, and people will forget. So don't fret, and just say no. Nicely, of course.

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