by Terri Valerian

Created on: February 15, 2007   Last Updated: April 25, 2007

I imagine that teenagers desire serious relationships for the same reasons as the rest of us. I am no longer a teenager, but I do remember that time in my life, and I had at least two serious relationships that taught me many things. Teenagers want to experience love, as we all do. They want to experience acceptance, as we all do. A serious relationship gives us a unique opportunity to have those experiences. No doubt, teen relationships aren't always uplifting, but are adult relationships? It is important not to sell the teen relationship short.

We could say, "Oh, it is the media pushing them into it," or "It is just about sex," but I think that is vastly oversimplifying the issue. It is part of the human condition to want to share your life with someone. It is also part of the human condition to have sexual experiences, and the teenage years are when many people begin relationships and sexual experiences. Physiologically, it's when we're set up to start. We, as adults, may think it is too early to have sexual experiences or be exclusive in a relationship. But the truth is, people have had these experiences during their teen years for a long time. It seems to be the natural course of things.

The teen years are a somewhat overwhelming time. There are so many new experiences and there is a lot to take in. But it is also probably a good time to begin learning how to relate to others on an intimate level. I'm not necessarily condoning teenage sexuality, but serious relationships seem to make sense at this time.

During the teen years, we are learning so much about our world and ourselves. We want to share it. We want to feel understood. We have a unique opportunity to focus on a relationship in a very intense way before we have too many other responsibilities. Of course, it can be intoxicating, for good or bad. Of course, not every teen has the highest ideals in mind when trying to woo a special someone. Social status and acceptance undoubtedly play a part in teen relationships, but I believe there is also the potential for it to be more. But, as this is the beginning, the truth of the matter is that these things also play a large part in many adult relationships. It is a time to begin the learning process.

Since this article is in the parenting section, it begs the question for me, "What should parents do for their teens in regards to serious relationships?" That is a hard question. I cannot imagine I would have listened to my parents for one minute about any of my relationships, then or now. I think it comes down to your overall relationship with your child. If you want to effectively parent your child through these experiences, I would suggest building a solid basis of communication and trust. As a parent, you need to set up an environment in which your child feels comfortable sharing his or her life with you.

However, this is all just the musings of a 30-something daughter and mother of younger children. Talk to me in 4 years or more, when I have teenagers, and it may be a different story! When I think of what I would share with my sons, the word that comes to mind more than anything is "respect". I would try to teach them to respect themselves and their partner(s) in every situation. I think that is a strong basis for a serious teen relationship or any relationship.

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