by Patricia Parker

Created on: November 11, 2009   Last Updated: November 12, 2009

Writing is basically a fairly easy assignment. If you can talk above the level of a three year old, then you can write. Its just a matter of assembling your thoughts and purchasing a few items. You still write an occasional check, don't you? Congratulations, you're on your way to literary fame and fortune.

Now, about those items. Never begin a writing episode without Webster's Encyclopedic Unabridged Dictionary of the English Language. Unless you live in France and write in French. You would have to buy the European version. It is also mandatory that you have on hand at all paragraph stops a standard thesaurus. For example if you wanted to write "it was a dark and stormy night" in your own words, the thesaurus would help you compose "It was a murky and tempestuous bedtime." See how much better that sounds?

I also use a rhyming dictionary for many of my writings. I find that common words most always have rhyming partners so when you want to describe somebody with red hair, for example, it becomes easy to substitute dead bear. Its not always easy to work into your story line but can make an impact on the unsuspecting reader.

Don't forget to buy a revised and updated crossword puzzle dictionary, especially if you do the New York Times puzzle which only appears in my suburban newspaper on Sunday's. Sometimes those puzzle words will mesh nicely with one of the characteristics of your
protagonist, which means hero, star, actor, leader, advocate, champion or spokesman.

Personally, I also use a complete desk reference book in case I am writing something about South Dakota and I'm not sure exactly what state it's in.

A few poetry editions, famous quotes by famous authors, outlandish but surprisingly interesting last words, burial customs of the Maori Tribes, and how to lose weight without giving up candy bars books are often invaluable writing tools. If you come to a brain dead moment while trying to compose, its really a great time waster to discover what Ivan the Terrible's last words were. You never would have guessed. But its all research.

Also, read op-ed pieces and letters to the editors. Read Tweeter blogs and Facebook entries. They will not, repeat not, help you with your writing per se, but they will enable you to boast with certainty that your words make more sense.

Now that I've shared all my closely guarded secrets to being a successful writer, go fire up those creative brain cells and hop to it.

Dr. Seuss never gained fame and riches by sitting at a blank computer screen.

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