by April Wilson

Created on: November 11, 2009   Last Updated: November 12, 2009

When most people consider online dating they immediately think of the big online dating sites. If you're looking for Mr. or Miss Right Now, and you need them yesterday, that might be your best option. eHarmony.com and Match.com are the best known. You'll have to take tests, fill out a profile, and upload pictures.

One of the problems with this method of finding a match online is that things can be pretty shallow. Some guy or girl is going to sit behind a computer screen and look at your profile. Then based on a few short glib phrases and your photograph, they're going to decide whether they want to pursue something further with you.

Another problem is that people lie. Most people post photographs from when they were thinner, when they were younger, or the lighting was just really good and they got a freakishly fabulous picture. People will "inflate their resume" in order to attract a partner. It's human nature.

While it's true that some people do meet their true love through an online dating service, the more likely outcome is that you will end up meeting and dating someone who doesn't look quite as good as their photograph, wasn't completely honest about themselves, and might not be as compatible as you wanted to believe.

Most of these things are drawbacks to regular dating as well. When we see other human beings in this commodity way, this is often the result. But there are more organic ways to build relationships, even with online dating. I've dated several people that I met online, without using dating services.

If you're a beginner at online dating and you aren't on some kind of a time crunch for this, let me suggest a kinder, gentler, and more sane way to date online. Just as in life, we tend to meet people who are truly compatible with us while doing the activities we love.

What are you passionate about? What makes you tick? Find forums and chat rooms where such people gather and get to know each other. Over time you'll build some friendships. One of those friendships may turn out to be a good lasting partner. And because you didn't start out your relationship on the "dating premise" built on a padded resume and fudged photographs, you'll have a more solid and honest foundation.

Once you've built up a rapport with someone who might be a match for you, you can exchange instant messenger information for more real-time and private chatting. Whether or not they end up being your match, they'll be a good friend. If you don't want to risk getting emotionally involved with someone you may have to re-locate for, you can seek out forums and chat rooms for people local to your area.

As with all online interactions if you're planning on meeting someone in person, check a little into their background and meet in a public place for your safety. By building an online friendship first, away from the official dating scene, you raise your odds of finding Mr. or Miss Right, instead of Mr. or Miss Right Now.

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