by Bhavya Dabas

Created on: November 11, 2009

Breaking up is hard, and getting over the relationship and moving on is often even harder. But, the important thing is, no matter how hard it seems to be at first, you will get through it and emerge a stronger, more mature person. You just have to help yourself through this phase a little.

The first thing to do is to stop blaming anyone. Either yourself or the other person. Forgiveness is a wonderful gift, for yourself or for someone else. Even when you forgive someone else, you are actually relieving yourself of the mental burden that arises from holding a grudge against them. You are freeing yourself of the agony and pain that has been holding you back and preventing you from feeling all the joy that you could be feeling. So forgive. Do it as a favor to yourself.

It is also important to engage in a constructive pastime or hobby, rather than allowing yourself to continue to feel lonely and sad and lead yourself towards a meaningless rebound relationship, which, eventually, will leave you feeling even more hurt than before. Instead, occupy your mind doing things you like doing. Go shopping with your other single girlfriends. Go to the movies. Read a good book. Not a romance novel that makes you pine for your ex. Rediscover a hobby or passion that you always thought you didn't have the time for. Spend some time painting, playing the piano, reading to children at the children's hospital, whatever it takes to give you a sense of achievement and self fulfillment.

There's this wonderful, almost miraculous, piece of advice a friend of mine shared with me once. When you look back on your relationship, don't dwell on the parts that break your heart and make you want to punch somebody. Look back on the happy parts. Of course, the relationship eventually went awry, but you had some really great times when you were together. When you find yourself reminiscing about the relationship, concentrate on those, rather than the ones that make you seethe with anger and cry with sorrow.

It is essential to remind yourself that you had a good reason for breaking out of the relationship. That the relationship was not working for you, it was not making you happy. And that not being in a relationship at all is way better than being in one that doesn't work for you. Because if you're not happy being in the relationship, that defeats the whole purpose of the relationship, doesn't it?

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