by Kathryn Hood

Created on: November 11, 2009

Part of a parent's job is to teach their teen to be confident, resourceful, considerate, and self-reliant. Parents want their teens to grow into successful adults who can care for themselves and their families (if they choose to have one). Parental duties include creating an atmosphere of security and unity, where problem solving and creative thinking is encouraged, while nourishing the foundations of mutual respect. To achieve this goal parent's guide and instruct their children through verbal and visual means. Hopefully, the children absorb the messages and learn.

Part of being a teen is to be experimental, rebellious, and secretive. On the path to adulthood, teens balance between wanting the support of their parents and resenting the support. Teens listen to their peers, who often times mock any parental advice. Peer pressure can turn a teen from "knowing what is best for them per their parent" to "doing what is cool per their friends". Even though a teen may agree wholeheartedly with what the parent has said, peer pressure will lead them to follow their friends advice. The rebellion begins as the teen's confidence starts to build. The teen wants to act like an adult, making their own decisions, which is exactly what the parent is trying to achieve. Soon after, the secretive stage follows the rebellious stage because the confidence level is not as high as the teen may believe. Thus lies, and secrets are started and maintained.

"Snooping" by parents is not a good option. As in all relationships,distrust on either side is not a healthy choice. Being open and honest with the teen, letting them know their behavior is going to be monitored is the best approach. Explain to the teen that being aware of their actions is part of a parent's job. Awareness falls under loving and caring, and is part of the responsibility we take on when we give birth to our children. Parents do need to remember...smothering, being overly judgemental, and being a dictator rather than a mentor are not appropriate parental methods.

Teens today are faced with too many harmful, dangerous situations. Our teens are subjected to drugs, depression, suicide, gang violence, and road rage on an everyday occurrence. Talking with our teens, letting them explain their thoughts and feelings without forcing our views upon them can help our teens come to grips with the uncertainty and fear. Open communication is the key. Knowing what events and pressures your teen is facing can help both sides decide what measures need to be taken to ensure the teens stability and safety (both mentally and physically). If a parent stays aware of unhealthy situations and attitudes the teen may have an alternative avenue to resolve their issues.

Staying in touch with what is happening in your teen's life is not "snooping". It is loving your child and protecting your precious child's well being. No where is it written that a parent is suppose to be a child's friend. Hopefully that happens later in life ,when the teen realizes the emotional personal price the parent has paid for the teens transition into adulthood.

Learn more about this author, Kathryn Hood.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.