by Amber Lesovoy

Created on: November 11, 2009

If you look up the noun "advocate" in an online dictionary, the first definition that is going to pop up on your screen is "one that pleads the cause of another." While it is a succinct, accurate definition, it fails to convey the emotion and dedication that lives in the heart of any parent who advocates for their special needs child. A true advocate does so much more than plead the cause. The cause is the air we breathe, the life we lead, and the ambition that fuels our devotion to our children.

One is not born an advocate. It is something that develops over time, a slow and laborious process. It begins with the obvious: the cause. In this case, a special needs child. As new parents, we look at our children with wonder and joy, never thinking about the hurdles they might encounter later in life. They're perfect, and we're hopeless. We've never done the parenting thing before, and we're scared and inexperienced. We make mistakes, we learn from them, and we begin to build a foundation of knowledge. Sooner or later the day comes when we are presented with our challenge, be it a diagnosis of Down syndrome, autism, blindness, deafness, ADHD, cerebral palsy. We're unprepared, even if we think we have it all figured out. We travel down the long road of medical visits, psychological evaluations, IEP meetings, therapy sessions. Again and again, we meet resistance that stands between our children and their best interests, and sometimes we compromise where we should have stood firm. Sometimes we stand firm where we should have compromised. Sometimes we pick really stupid things to make a fuss over, like whether they should be allowed to chew straws at school. Then we step back, re-evaluate, and try again and again until we get it right. We never really get it perfectly, but we keep trying anyway.

As advocates, we fight our own personality flaws. We step outside of our minds for a time, and overcome the things that would hold us back. When we walk into the school for an IEP meeting, we are confident and assertive, even when in our heads we're terrified and uncomfortable beyond belief. We try not to show weakness, because if we do, then we run the risk of not being taken seriously by that room full of professionals with years of experience and walls covered in diplomas. So often, we're "just parents" and we have to fight to be treated as equals in a society that doles out respect based on the letters that appear after one's last name.

Advocates don't give up. We accept

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