by Christina Bernice Butler

Created on: November 11, 2009

This is a big deal but you don't get how I feel

It is a passing emotion but when it's there, it's like a raging ocean

I said I wished I was never born

And

You didn't like that very much

I understood how you felt when you said what you said:

It's wrong;

To wish I were never born means I want to not have ever met you

It means I want to not have these special ties to my family and friends

It means I don't care about you

But

I do

Just not more than I care about my happiness

I just feels like it is too much, what I've been dealing with

And

I am wanting to rid myself of my current lack of options

The only way I know how is if I were dead

But

Wishing death upon oneself is not something anybody really wants

It is just an end to the means

Permanently

Your presence means a lot to me

Your presence

Still,

It does not suffice to make me whole and free my life

When nothing is working right and I don't see a way,

My mere existence appears to be an accident, a computer glitch, a mistake,

If I can't live free,

If I can't be me,

Although I do not believe this is right,

I will feel like I want to die or wish I were simply never even alive

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