by Lenee Daniels

Created on: November 11, 2009   Last Updated: December 18, 2009

During a rather bleak and dark era of my life, relying on a man had left me hopeless, depressed, and alone.  Yearning for something or someone to fill my empty heart, I was stunned to find out the antidote laid as close as in the beautiful garden next door.  

On several days in blustering March, rainy April, and sunny May, a finger of light would beckon me from my dark musings. Leaning my head on the window pane, I would peer out in numb despair only to find transforming rainbows of colored brilliance stepping on various stages of toddler legs into my view. Trapped in a gray picture over the last few months, I was struck over and over by the stunning beauty, innocence, and love that radiated from the direction of the rose buds and their lover. Like a newborn baby, my eccentric neighbor had fed, coddled and cooed to her roses all spring long. And, what had sprung to life was the most beautiful array of mouth watering delicacies. Yellow, red, white, and pink had never been more glorious when thrown in concert.  She glanced up and smiled at me, almost as if she could read my thoughts.  Nervously I waved then quickly removed myself from the window, embarrassed that I was caught staring.  However, the more I had watched her the more an odd feeling had wrapped its arms around my being.  Did it almost feel like hope?  Catching my breath, I wondered, could watching the symbiotic love and nurture from garden to gardener make me feel like I could live and breathe again?

Strangely, at times I found myself wishing I could feel even one-tenth of the emotion that passed through my neighbor to her plants? Momentarily encouraged to try something different than dwelling in the bowels of depression, I began to think on the subject of a new beginning. What could pull me out of this isolated and lonely world I had fallen into? My mind churned with ideas, until the wheels abruptly screamed to a halt.  I will plant my own roses and baby them through their developmental stages culminating into glorious maturity.  Also, and most importantly, I would pull my lawn chair alongside their beauty and chronicle their growth, and hopefully, mine.   

Journal Entry from July 29, 2007

Today he called but I said no more

Remembering “I can’t live without him” was just foolish lore

You need me, I’ve changed, You can’t be alone

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