by Linda Kay

Created on: November 10, 2009   Last Updated: June 17, 2010

You love your mother-in-law, so what do you do when she hands you an ultimatum? It must be noted that this depends entirely upon the mother-in-law, as well as the ultimatum.

Should the ultimatum be of such a nature that it would harm your family in any way, you need to seek help. You may need a lawyer, police officer, or counselor. You and your spouse should be able to determine which course of action to take.

If the ultimatum is of the trivial variety, why not just smile; maybe even thank her for her input. This in no way obligates you to bow to her orders.

Then there are "the holidays". Yes, there are some moms who think they deserve every holiday with their children because "This is the way we've always done it". Big deal. So much time and energy can be wasted here. One of the best ways to resolve the situation would be any order of the following: his family, her family, our family. That would at least give you every third year to stay home and enjoy your own family, in your own home! Or, you could plan an early party. Say, Christmas, for example. Why not have a family get together a couple of weeks before Christmas. Make it a time of holiday foods and games. This would eliminate the need of a gift exchange without embarrassing those who may not be able to afford a gift for the entire clan.

Regardless of the situation "Mommy dearest" should be confronted. I believe a married couple should both be in on the conversation, but primarily held by the mother's child. Both the child and his or her spouse need to remember she has been down the road a bit further than they have. Please, render her the respect due her position whether you feel she deserves it or not. She, in turn, needs to learn to respect the couple's wishes concerning their family.

As a mother-in-law, one of the best things I have learned from my own mother-in-law, by example, is to give your children room to grow. They need to be allowed to form their own traditions, for their own families. This in no way should remove them from your affections. It can, however, endear them to you. They will look forward with joy, and anticipation to each and every holiday they will be able to spend with you!

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