by B. Hirsekorn

Created on: November 10, 2009   Last Updated: November 13, 2009

Handyman Husbands

A story in a book by Stuart MacLean (Vinyl Cafe Unplugged) describes the curious habits of husbands and home repairs. He suggests a force luring men to be "where hammers are swung" suggesting moving hammers set up a "cosmic thrumming" where the handyman somehow "releases an odor attractive" to other tool-toting men.

After reading this my sides were aching from laughter knowing the alternate reality men who avoid tools with a passion. With them it is the wife is responsible for all household repairs.

Here's a few examples of the alternate type of handyman.

There is the home handyman who, when the wife buys new light fixtures, insists she install them herself. The reason? He did it all day at work. Never did understand how a shipper/receiver in a carpet warehouse installed light fixtures "all day at work".

Asking the man with the chef's certification to make a meal got the same response - "I did it all day at work". Maybe I missed something since at than time he was working as an electrician. Perhaps I was mistaken in thinking the job of an electrician was doing electrical work not cooking.

Let's not forget the wonderful handyman who sets out to repair the bicycle (in need of many repairs) bought as his wife's birthday present. He had promised to repaint the bicycle and repair the gears generally make the bicycle safe to ride. Out he went to work with cigarette in hand returning ten minutes later for a rest. He was tired from working so hard. Amount of work accomplished - the removal of a 2" by 1" spot of paint revealing the previous purple colour. That was the end of the bike repairs! It seems the work was just too tiring! Or perhaps, he "did it all day at work"?

Can't forget the handyman's skills in the garden. The 'handy' fellow was asked to weed the front flowerbeds. He hauled himself off the sofa (that was a chore in itself after the being in the same position for three hours) and went out to weed with the inevitable cigarette. To the shed to get a pail and small shovel, out the side gate walking along the side of the house, across the front lawn to the back gate returning the tools to the shed. During the entire stroll he never looked at the flowerbeds or lawn. His gaze was directed skyward. When walking in the back door, he commented "I didn't see any weeds" and went back to the difficult work of making sure the couch did not escape. Once again, I missed something. Weeds grow in the sky not the soil!

Some men drive their wives crazy with constant repairs. The flip side of that is the handyman who makes all household repairs without leaving the couch because the tiddlywinks championships are so very important, not to be missed.

From the wife's point of view the plus side of living with a couch potato type handyman is learning how to do electrical, mechanical, carpentry work one their own - with the added benefit of keeping fit.

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