As a mother to a daughter who has more questions than can possibly be asked in a lifetime, I am all too aware of questions about people and differences. Children notice others. They will ask questions about hair color to painted toenails. What do you tell your children when they start asking about disabilities?

Children will notice every difference there is in people. They notice hair, hair color, eye color, skin, clothes, how people walk, talk, and even act. Children are innocent and they want to know why. They do not mean offense. They will ask the questions without malice, so adults need to answer questions honestly without prejudice.

A good suggestion about teaching young children about disabilities, is to wait until your child questions you or you have an example. Children may not understand a talk about disabilities unless they have had an experience with it or can see a disability. I can say this from personal experience, as a mother to a normal child and as a mother to an autistic child.

When you talk to your child about disabilities, treat the disability as a difference. Treat it like you can chew gum and the other person isn't allowed to chew gum. Treat it like you are explaining hair color or eye color. The disability is a difference. Treat the disability as a difference and your child will think of the person as an equal, not as a handicap.

Never tell your child the disability is a challenge or make your child feel sorry for the other person. If the disability is a missing leg, your child may ask if it hurts. Answer questions honestly on the child's level. If you do not know the answer, tell the child you do not know. The child may want to question the person. If the person will agree to it, let your child talk with them.

If your child is asking why another child will not play with them and the other child is disabled, you can explain on your child's level what a mental disability is. Do not explain the disability in front of the other child unless you are sure that child or mother will not be offended. Be sure you know about the disabilities yourself. You can explain the disabilities in general and if your child has questions you can't answer, look up the answers together.

My son is autistic. He does not play with other children. Half the time, he does not see the other people. My daughter is extremely outgoing. If there is another child like my son or a child that has a mental disability, I am fortunate because I can tell her the other child is like her brother. To her that means the child will not talk. It also means she will go play with that child unless the child runs away from her crying. She knows if a child does not want to play and cannot talk the child will just go away. That's fine with her. She tried to make a new friend.

If there is a handicapped child, you may want to tell your child to play with the other child. Tell your child to do whatever the other child is doing. If the child does not want to be bothered, he or she will let it be known.

If I am the mom with the disabled child, I will probably explain to your child that my child does not speak, but he may play with your child. I will tell your child, my child is not like him. He cannot always say what he wants. He does not understand things like your child does. I will also tell your child if he does not want to play, he won't. Sometimes, he just likes to be by himself.

Children are more intelligent than we give them credit. They only see their world and if someone does not want to do what they want, that is okay. They will just go onto the next person or do something else.

Learn more about this author, Jennifer Vernol.
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