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I suppose just about everyone could come up with any number of weird neighbors stories. Growing up, there were many strange neighbors around. When I was in college, I think everyone was a little off-of course, many of them were fellow college students, so... I've got some pretty strange neighbors, right now, since it's been brought up. Where to start?

When I was a kid in Albuquerque, there was an old man who lived in the middle of our block. His name was Mr. Pliner. I only remember, because when I was very little, I used to call him Mr. Pliers. What did I know? I was like seven. At any rate, about all he'd ever do was yard work. He was always out there working, but he never said hello. I guess the weirdest thing about him was the story around the neighborhood (which was almost certainly not true, but when you're a kid...) around Halloween time. The legend was, he'd buy all this candy, but if you went trick-or-treating at his house, he'd say he didn't have any. As a six-or-seven-year-old, you'd (or, at least I) believe that. Of course, as an adult, it doesn't make any sense. If you really didn't want to give candy to kids, all you have to do is not buy any. It doesn't even begin to make sense to buy it, just to not give it. But, that was the story and, true or not, old man Pliner was a strange old coot.

I have a couple of odd neighbors even now. I live in an apartment building in a residential neighborhood in Chicago. The guy who owns the building next door is pretty strange. Every year, he puts a sign up in one of his trees saying, "Pick up after your dog, you creep." Now, I'm the first to admit that, when walking your dog, you should pick up after her/him. But, my thinking is, if you're really worried about your landscape, why put up a sign like that? It's not attractive in the least. To top it off, this guy almost never mows his lawn. It just seems so incongruous. He doesn't want you messing up his lawn, but he makes no effort to beautify it himself.

The guy across the street is the worst, though. It's not that he does anything wrong. But, he's always out there, just looking. I mean, occasionally, he'll have a rake in his hand or something, but he's like the living stereotype of the nosy neighbor. Just stands there, looking. Like he alone is holding up the block, or something. It's not that he does anything wrong, but he's pretty creepy.

Well, time to wrap up. I really don't like speaking ill of others behind their backs. The weird ones are only weird, because you don't really know them. And, besides, who knows what they're saying about me?

Learn more about this author, Paul Schingle.
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