by Ruth Kongaika

Created on: November 10, 2009   Last Updated: November 15, 2009

When a relationship between a man and a woman progresses towards something more permanent, this is the time they need to have a serious discussion about money. Different approaches to money can be the source of many arguments in marriage. Preparation before the marriage sets the stage for success in this area, and if it is a subject that surfaces often, it can then be addressed in a calm and constructive way. If a couple plan together how they will handle their finances, they are less likely to have emotionally charged discussions about money later.

It is very wise to discuss how much each person makes, how many bills they each have, what credit cards they hold, and even what their credit score is. That way there will not be any big surprises after the wedding that may disappoint or even jeopardize the relationship. Being honest with each other is paramount to a trusting relationship.

Planning for the future is also important. It is advantageous for the couple to start a savings account for the unexpected. Illness, disability, cultural expectations and other situations all complicate money issues. Aging parents, siblings that need help, funerals, college tuition, weddings and other celebrations may surface before they are prepared for them. It is important that a couple is on the same page when it comes to dealing with expensive events and circumstances.

Another matter of discussion should be what bank accounts they will keep and who will be in charge of paying the bills each month. Unfortunately many times a husband will blame his wife for her lack of control when the money situation gets out of hand. The wife may blame the husband for not providing enough to suit her lifestyle. This ping-pong game usually happens when there has been no mutual planning between a man and a woman anticipating marriage.

This discussion about finances before marriage can also include the topic of children. How many children are desired and what are goals and expected expense for them. It is good to realize also that children can be deeply affected by disagreements between their parents. It is important to work out these problems in a mature manner in a private place. Later on, when the children are old enough to work, they can be included in the financial planning so everyone can stay on the budget.

Money anxieties can ultimately wear down a marriage as it ages. Some just give up and go it alone. To avoid this sadness, couples that are just getting married would do well to live below their means until they get a grasp on their financial necessities. Taking large loans while living an extravagant lifestyle can lead to disaster. After marriage they can have occasional financial discussions to keep each other informed and on the same page.

Learn more about this author, Ruth Kongaika.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.