by K.L. Cain

Created on: November 10, 2009

I can see how this would work out with people who want an open relationship, who have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, or something similar. However, I'm assuming that the person is looking for a relationship that is monogamous, open, and honest. If you want such a relationship, don't trust a chronic cheater.

I believe that "cheater" implies a chronic condition of infidelity, whether it be male or female. A cheater isn't someone who makes a mistake. Everyone is entitled to their one mistake, but make it two or more and it means that cheating is a part of them. They cease to be mistakes, and given an inch will take a mile. Men are often cast as the perpetrator here but women can be equally guilty. In fact, in my experience I've seen more women cheat than men! My female best friend cheated on her future husband, much to my disappointment, and my best male friend has been cheated on twice in a row.

Here is something about human nature: people don't, at their core, change. Their surface may change, they may change beyond the surface, but their very core won't change and this applies to cheaters. They have problems with intimacy and monogamy and it's foolish to think that the "right" person can fix that. It must be helped professionally, if it can be helped at all.

Are cheaters doomed? Probably, but not always. If they have the discipline and will to change, then they will try but most don't really want to change. If circumstances pop up, they might, but never assume that you're that circumstance. You can't trust someone who has proven they are dishonest on multiple occasions.

Of course, I will add the disclaimer that I am extremely jealous by nature. I have to keep it in check so I don't become possesive or seem like a controlling, crazy b*ch, but I just don't trust people, especially if it's a man I'm with and he has quite a few affectionate female friends. I don't like it; although I don't harp about it, I'd still rather the temptation not be there, or I'd rather to at least be able to get a good punch in on the girl (this said in jest, of course). Few things good ever come out of this scenario, and getting groped by my best friend on a Friday night on his couch proves that unless they've been close most of their lives, the opposite-sex best friend is not your friend. But I digress from the central topic.

If you ever think a relationship with someone who is fidelity-challenged could work you have to be the same way: jealous, but not manic about it, and willing to keep him or her away from the temptation because they will seize it. The phrase "Don't try to lead me to temptation; I already know the way" applies in this scenario. If they have friends of the opposite sex whom you think they don't view as the equivalent of a sibling, you will more than likely get hurt. Chronic cheaters don't change. Period.

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