by Geoffrey Schmitt

Created on: November 10, 2009

The frustrated parent turns to his unemployed, live-in son and says, "I can't decide if you are ignorant or if you're just apathetic." His son replies, "I don't know and I don't care."

Sometimes, the everyday humor of the one-liner can enlighten us and help us to care just a little more about our lives and the lives of those around us.

How much do we need to know? Do you know the difference between a specialist and a generalist? A specialist knows more and more about less and less, until he knows absolutely everything about nothing. The generalist knows less and less about more and more until he knows absolutely nothing about everything. Which do you want to be?

Do you think it will make a difference? Are you an optimist or a pessimist? I heard this one one the TV show, The West Wing, from the lips of Leo, the Chief of Staff. The pessimist says, "Things are terrible. I just can't imagine that they could ever be worse than this!" The optimist says, "Oh, yes, things could get much worse than this!" Is your glass half-empty or half-full?

Some of the best one liners are on bumper stickers. "I'm spending my grandchildren's inheritance." Or better yet, "Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your kids!" "My other car is a horse." "My Juvenile delinquent beat up your honor student." My all time favorite is, "If you love Jesus, tithe, any_____ fool can honk!"

There are a multitude of Christian one-liners. The church is not a museum for saints; it's a hospital for sinners. If you want a better pastor, pray for the one you've got. Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven.

Woody Allen is a master of the one liner. "Don't go to a Doctor whose house plants have died." "The lion will lay down with the lamb, but the lamb won't get much sleep." "Did he also say, 'No good deed goes unpunished?'"

Speaking of one who was punished for good deeds.. Jesus was a master of the one liner. "Before you take the speck out of your neighbor's eye, take the plank out of your own." "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." "Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's and unto God what belongs to God." "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

When you run out of one-liners from Jesus there is the Old Testament. Try Proverbs. It is full of them. I like to think I could make them up by myself. However, pride goes before a fall, so I'll pass.

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