by Marcquita Brown

Created on: November 09, 2009   Last Updated: November 10, 2009

Should you stay married for the sake of your children?

There are several ways to answer this question and those answers depend on a lot of variables. But, in my opinion, if you are only choosing to stay married to your spouse because of your children, it's time to call the divorce lawyer.

It's easy to say that people shouldn't divorce for the sake of their children. We want our children to grow up under the best of circumstances, and divorced parents do not factor in. But is it really fair to subject your children to the tension and hostility that can arise from living with parents in an unhappy marriage? Are they at fault because your marriage didn't work out?

No, it's not. Your children deserve better. And in some cases, better comes in the form of a divorce. However, in this day and age where 'irreconcilable differences' is the cop-out for every lazy couple unwilling to try to make it work before throwing in the towel, kids become pawns in one parents plans to hurt the other.

If divorce seems inevitable, after all attempts to salvage the marriage are made, then the next step is an amicable divorce. It seems like an oxymoron, but if there are children involved, you owe it to them to make your divorce as amicable and stress-free as possible.

Too often, parents are too wrapped up in the mud-slinging that often comes with divorce to understand that they are doing more damage than good. Kids can live happily with divorced parents. They might not like that their parents aren't together anymore, but kids are very resilient and they can cope. But parents are oftentimes so focused on the divorce that kids usually become collateral damage. Be it the newly single parents trying to express their new-found independence through partying and dating, or letting their bitterness rear its ugly head and putting the kids in the middle of their feuds, kids are usually the ones that suffer most when parents divorce. But with effort and planning, newly-divorced parents can raise their children together with minimal issue or problems. But they have to be willing to put in the effort and put aside their differences. Sadly, this rarely happens because the parents haven't addressed the real reasons their marriage broke up, and thus can't tolerate being in one another's presence.

So, while you shouldn't stay married solely for the sake of your children, you do owe it to them, and yourself, to at least attempt to salvage a civil relationship. Because even if you can't save your marriage, you still have a family to raise. And for the sake of your children, you must be on the same page in regards to their care.

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