by Sarah Arnette

Created on: November 09, 2009   Last Updated: November 10, 2009

Fifty percent of marriages fail. This statistic is a grim reality that most couples hear as soon as they announce their engagement. The reasons why marriages fail are not often discussed. Those who have experienced divorce often do not wish to discuss the causes for the failed marriage. If they do wish to discuss their failed relationship, they are often bitter while discussing it and have a very biased opinion about how the other partner messed up the relationship.

Half of the marriages in America do not last. This statistic is staggering, when just a couple generations ago, divorce was almost unheard of. If a split did occur, it was most often preceded with ample evidence of abuse. In this generation, abuse is not the primary reason for couples to splitting. Couples can split for anything from abuse, adultery, to simply disagreeing on the location of a home or the color of a car.

Most marriages end for very legitimate reasons. Many people do not discuss the reasons marriages fail. There is a level of shame that people feel when they discuss how they failed to keep their marriage strong. There is also sense of hurt that is often left when a relationship that individuals have worked so long to keep fails to thrive. However, there are a few reasons that are more common than other reasons for marriage failure.

Many couples fail to talk in full length about their histories and pasts before getting married. While criminal and sexual histories are frequently discussed, monetary discussions rarely happen until there is a problem. Once there is a problem, the stress of the issue coupled with the bad news of a negative monetary history can cause enough damage to the relationship to cause it to break.

Adultery is another breaking point for most marriages. Even if one is married to the most beautiful or handsome individual on earth, one will eventually find someone they think is better looking. This is such a common idea that there is even a common phrase for it, the greener grass. Many couples cannot forgive adultery and simply must split due to a lack of trust and love.

Changes in values are not something most people would think of when talking about divorces. This is because most people assume that individuals do not change their core values. If people are prepared for the possible changes in values, they are often not prepared for the extent of change that their partner may have. It is not the partner that always has a change of values either, it may be the other, attacking the one who has not changed.

A final reason that marriages do not always last is the feeling of resentment. Couples often give up a lot of things to be with their love. This may not immediately cause discontentment, but as time goes, it can strengthen its effect on the relationship. This feeling of resentment can come from a lack of something that one wanted, the forcing of something they didn't want, or giving up something that they had treasured. This can occur with job changes, the failure to attain a home or have children, or even the small things like the unwillingness of a partner to try something new.

With all these reasons that relationships can fail, it is a wonder that any marriages make it at all. This is why so many couples must have assistance from counselors and support from their families, friends, and faiths. Without these supports, without good preparations for the problems of marriage, a marriage stands no chance of surviving.

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