by April Wilson

Created on: November 09, 2009

Not everyone dreams of a large wedding. Some people get anxious around large crowds (even crowds of people they know and can handle in smaller groups.) Some have limited funds and can't afford to pay for a large wedding. Some just feel that getting married is a private affair and not meant for large groups of people to witness in the first place.

But whatever the reason for a smaller wedding, if the number of people you can invite is less than the number of people you know and have seen in the last five years, those friends and relatives that were left off the guest list could feel snubbed. Some people avoid this whole thing by eloping. Sure, then no one gets to attend the wedding, but then no one feels snubbed either. It's a case of: "I didn't get to go, but no one else did either so I didn't miss out." Human beings are funny that way.

In fact, eloping isn't a horrible idea if you're up for it. You save a lot of money and you can come back and have some kind of get together for friends and family when you get back from the honeymoon. Provided you don't overspend on this party/reception, you could save yourself a lot of money, stress, and interpersonal drama.

If eloping isn't an option, there are several ways you can have a smaller wedding and avoid stomping all over the feelings of those you can't invite. When there is something like a wedding where some are invited and some aren't, those who aren't, feel like they were rated lower on your list of people you care about. Very rarely do such people stop to consider that while you may be friends with them or a distant relative, that maybe you have a large family or larger very close social circle than some other people might have.

Often people also forget that very often the bride and groom finance their own wedding, and it's unfair to have to start your marriage in debt just to avoid snubbing someone. When you're footing the bill you get to say who is invited and who isn't. It costs money to host an event or party, and this has never been more true than with weddings, where we forget most of the things we "just have to have" aren't really necessary for starting a marriage.

It's also incredibly common for those who are in any way close to you to start to feel and behave as if it's "their wedding" instead of yours, which creates it's own set of problems especially where the guest list is concerned.

So here are a few suggestions to help you wiggle around the uncomfortable moment of: "Why wasn't I invited?"

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