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Children who experience healthy attachment are those who thrive because of parenting practices that demonstrate unconditional love. An infant is not born knowing that he is loved. But as parents reach out and connect with him through behaviors like cuddles, smiles, and murmurs of approval, a bond begins to form. As the baby learns that his needs for food, warmth, and physical touch will be met, he develops an affinity for the ones who become the center of his very small world. We call this affinity, "attachment." Healthy attachment is what every child must have in order to thrive physically and emotionally.

A baby's initial needs include not only nourishment, but comfort, and a consistent response to his vocal cues. In order to attach, he must experience a caregiver who reacts quickly to his cries, while distinguishing one type of cry from another. How well an infant attaches depends a lot on how consistently his demands for nourishment and soothing are met. He can never receive too much love. Being loved is the only way he knows that he can safely attach. A baby who is regularly pacified forms a stronger attachment than one who experiences frequent delayed gratification. As an infant learns that he can depend upon his parent or caregiver to meet his needs, he experiences love for the very first time.

Parenting practices that focus on helping children experience healthy attachment should also center around helping a young child learn to feel comfortable with periods of "alone time." This means that he learns to occupy himself for brief intervals, secure in the knowledge that his caregiver is never very far away.

On opposite ends of the continuum of parental involvement there are two negative bonding processes that can prevent healthy attachment. Parents who "hover" and exhibit obsessive fears about an infant or toddler's safety can foster feelings of insecurity and clinginess in the child. As he grows he may exhibit unhealthy dependence and patterns of worry that can form the basis of neuroses later in life. In contrast, parents who inconsistently and/or rarely respond to an infant's cries of need reinforce the perceptions of neglect and/or abandonment that accompany the feeling "that no one is coming." Neglected children learn to be distrustful of other human beings and begin to deny themselves human comfort. This emotional and/or physical withdrawal of an infant from his parent can create the basis for the formation of detachment behaviors.

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