by Sam Grover

Created on: November 09, 2009

Overview

Everyone's different. We all have different parents, different upbringings and different values. However, we also need to be around and work with other people to function in society. The key to bridging this gap is effective communication. Effective communication really isn't that hard to learn; if you just follow these steps, you will be surprised how quickly they become second nature. Effective communication is not being something you have to think about, but rather something naturally done, like breathing or maintaining a steady heartbeat.

Active Listening

Although speaking is the first action that comes to mind when one hears the word communication, it's actually just half of the equation. Equally, if not more important, is listening. Rather than passively listening and just letting information flow at you, listen actively. Relax your body, maintain eye contact and keep interruptions to a minimum. When you interrupt, do so at a pause and only to paraphrase to clarify what the person is saying. The speaker will feel that his or her message is being better received by an attentive listener because it is.

Body Language

Keep your body open. Don't cross your arms or legs, but keep both outstretched, indicating receptiveness. While you don't necessarily have to maintain eye contact, you should not let yourself get distracted. The other person will notice if you're not looking at them for extended periods of time. If there's a TV in the room, ignore it.

Empathy and Personal Responsibility

Show empathy and take responsibility. The person you're speaking with needs to feel that you understand what he means and not feel threatened. One of the best ways to do the former is to use the paraphrasing strategy mentioned above. Taking responsibility relies on one word: I. Never use you when discussing something negative. For example, you made a mistake sounds more confrontational than I'm having a hard time understanding, although the message is ultimately the same.

Clarity

Clarity is so important in effectively communicating that it deserves its own section. It's a tricky thing to do, too; you need to use enough words to get your point across without assuming the other person has information he doesn't, but you also need to economize so that your point isn't lost or muddled in a sea of unnecessary words.

Soothing

If someone is angry, don't try to deduce the cause of or a solution to the anger until he has calmed down. People usually just need to be heard when they're angry, so let them talk, only speaking to give compliments. A resolution can be pursued later.

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