by Rebecca K.

Created on: November 08, 2009   Last Updated: November 10, 2009

The title "How to avoid spoiling an infant" somewhat worries me. It puts to mind parents of newborns trying to discipline their little ones by not answering their cries under the thought that they are somehow "training" them not to be needy. Truth is, I don't believe you can spoil an infant, especially a newborn. To me, the only real way you can spoil them is by withholding love and by not checking on them when they cry. Locking a baby in its room and letting them "cry it out" doesn't seem like a solution to me.

What some people fail to understand is that newbies and infants do not have ulterior motives nor seek to "train" mom and dad. Discipline should be virtually non-existent in their lives until nearly one year of age when they have some comprehension of their actions. Babies are simple and honest. They cry for a specific reason such as: "I'm wet, hungry, tired, uncomfortable, gassy" and so on. The belief that going and picking up a baby too frequently will ruin them is plain ridiculous.

Conversely, there is a point at which you need to introduce some kind of discipline. We can't as parents go on simply giving the child what he/she wants every single time as they grow in age and size. A two-year old has a very different set of needs and structure than an infant should have. This is something I must remind myself as we await the arrival of our second child. Our son needs to have his share of attention, yes, but when he is having a temper tantrum, he needs to go to time out. Time outs are not appropriate for infants in my eyes.

Routinely answering your baby's cries will not spoil him/her but will help to build a secure attachment relationship. Imagine coming into a new, loud and scary world. All of a sudden you have all these new sensations: coldness, being wet, gas pain, hunger pain. You need to feel reassured by mommy or daddy that the world isn't such a bad place. Infants unlike toddlers cannot burp themselves, go to the potty or take care of themselves at all. That is your job as a parent and to use the excuse, "Oh, I don't want to spoil him," is just wrong in my mind.

Here are some links and information on building secure attachment in infants: http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/a ttachment01.htm - different forms of attachment

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/parenting_attachment .htm

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