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What's this? A review about how Al-Qaeda have infiltrated the ranks of the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders?
- I'd like to see them try.

Or even the news that 70's glam-rock legends, the Bay City Rollers are reforming?
- shudder

Nah. The fact that this is a beer review should've given you some sort of clue as to the source of the title.
Still not worked it out? My, you're slow. It's a beer. A beer I came across (figuratively speaking) last Friday evening.

You know me. I find a beer I've never seen before and it's down my neck before the bartender has a chance to check whether the cash I just gave him is fake or not.

And so it was that I came to be drinking a beer called Tartan Terror from the Houston Brewery.
They started brewing beer in the cellar of the Fox and Hounds pub in the village of the same name (that's Houston, not Fox and Ho...oh never mind). I suppose at this point I had better elaborate and remind readers that the Houston in question is in Renfrewshire in the West of Scotland, and not that place in Texas which has space for everyone's problems (d'ya see what I did there?).

As I said, the Houston Brewery began life back in the early nineties and now brew a range of regular and seasonal beers which you can find out all about by visiting their website:


TARTAN TERROR pours a very dark, not quite black, colour with a vague reddish tinge which is topped ny a thick and creamy, tan-coloured head. It's almost stout-like in appearance. The head is long-lasting and leaves oodles of lace on the glass.

The aroma is a little bready and slightly sour with some wisps of smokiness curling around the edges. Lots of roasted malt gives it hints of coffee and treacle, but I can't sense much hop profile - maybe a slight flourish of leafiness in the background.

It's surprisingly light-bodied with very little carbonation and the mouth feel is smooth. The taste is subtle and not nearly as bitter as you'd expect from a beer with such darkly roasted malt. There are some hints of fruit, but it's the coffee and treacle-like flavours that dominate. It's quite earthy, and the smokiness translates to the palate but again, not a lot of hoppy flavour to be found. The finish is fairly sweet, but a late appearance by some leafy hops just about manages to keep it in balance.



At 4.5% ABV, this beer was a little disappointing. I expected a far more complex offering, but it wasn't to be. Not that it was bad, but just uninteresting. I think it'd make a fine session ale though as it's very drinkable, beautifully smooth, and not gassy at all. As for food, it went well with my T-Bone steak (flavoured crisps), and its lack of any really dominant flavours means it would go well enough with pretty much anything.
All-in-all, a decent enough pint, but not one I'd go to any trouble to really search out, y'know?

Would I drink it again? - I might, it's not as if it were tart and terrorble.

Learn more about this author, Andrew H Brown.
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