by Pamela Ramey-Tatum

Created on: February 15, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

It's the stuff of romance novels and films: the sweet woman falls for the archetypal dark and dangerous rogue. But the bad boys and the women who fall for them are real, and the question of why women fall for this type still intrigues us.

Before we explore why women fall for these men-boys, let's take a look at the bad boy. First of all, he's "bad," which usually means that he's not trustworthy and has a tendency towards cheating. He may also be a heavy drinker and engage in other behaviors that are either socially unacceptable or at least destructive to himself, his woman and their relationship. Next, take note of the word "boy," because he's not a mature man, but a "boy"a boy who has learned the art of manipulation, a boy who gets by on his good looks and charm.

To understand why some women find the bad boy irresistible, remember that we are attracted to others because of their patterns. And until people heal their wounds from early childhood, they are generally attracted to the unhealthy pattern of their opposite sex parent.

A woman may carry the bad girl pattern herself but not express it. She is excited by him, sees him as strong, masculine and daring. In a sense, she lives vicariously through his bad-boy behavior, secretly wishing she had the nerve to break the rules as he does.

Or a woman's father may have been the bad-boy type who wasn't always there for mother or her. Or maybe she had a close relationship with her father as a child, but then, he grew distracted with work and other things and she no longer had this closeness with him. Whatever the circumstances, she is initially attracted to the bad boywho will never treat her right because, when he gives her attention, subconsciously, she feels she has finally gained or regained her father's love.

Women who fall for bad boyslike the bad boys themselveshave self esteem issues. They sometimes believe that the problem is that they are not lovable: if only they were more this or more that, things would be different. She may also be a nurturer who believeserroneously that if she can love him enough, he will change and love her as she needs to be loved.

The bad boy is also usually quite charming and romantic in the beginning. Once the new wears off, he is more distant, but probably gives her just enough attention to keep her hoping he will eventually love her the way she needs to be loved. Unfortunately, their patterns fit together so perfectly, it's unlikely he will change. As long as he can get what he wants

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