2 of 26

Write now Article Tools

"I hate my ex-spouse during the day, and have romantic dreams about him/her when I sleep." How many times have you heard that statement from one of your friends or family member? It is not as uncommon as you may think. Mixed emotions, after a divorce, are sometimes necessary, if there is to be any healing.

Love and lust cannot be turned on and off like a television. Getting a divorce does not mean you instantly stop loving your ex-spouse. Separation means you cannot live together in harmony. Don't feel guilty about those dreams of passion that include your ex. Learning to deal with this mixed bag of emotions is necessary for your sanity and for getting on with your new life.

Tips for dealing with mixed emotions

1. Don't let any negative or loving feelings go over the top. Try to keep a balance on your mixed feelings. It is okay to feel some animosity, just don't let it fester like an open wound. The only person, who loses in the hate game, is the person who does the hating. The other side of this emotional coin loves your ex too much. This can delay your heart from healing. You will be stuck in your hurt and pain, unable to carry on a normal life. It is easy to hate, but it takes a strong person to stop feeling romantic love for an ex. These feeling won't go away over night, but you can help them out the door by dating again.

2. Never feel guilty or confused about having these mixed feelings. They are normal feelings to have after a separation or divorce. You are glad to see your ex gone, but you secretly wish they would come back into your life.

3. Keep yourself busy. The most important part of keeping your emotional health intact is to interact with others. Don't isolate yourself from new experiences. Your ex is most likely not spending t time worrying about what you are doing, so don't waste your time trying to keep tabs on your ex. Hate and love are too powerful emotions, that have the potential to make a person do things out of the norm. Staying involved in clubs and social outings, will give you an outlet for your mixed feelings. Eventually, you may even find yourself attracted to someone new.

Unless someone develops a drug that can eliminate any emotions after a divorce, you will just have to learn to cope and accept your new reality. Let the passage of time take care of your mixed feelings, and hopefully you will wake up one day and not think about your ex-spouse.

Learn more about this author, Patricia Watson.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Dealing with mixed emotions for your ex-spouse?
We want to hear your view. Write now!