by Melissa Harlow

Created on: November 07, 2009

Your son having his hand in his pants can be both embarrassing and annoying. As the mother of a nine year old boy, I have been there on the front lines of this parenting issue. I have learned along the way that less you make of it, the more it goes away. Depending upon his age and puberty level, it may be a phase that your boy is in. If this the case, a little patience and a few ground rules may be in order.

The first stage that they do this is when they begin potty training to about age four. Punishing your boy does not make it disappear. Gently remind him that putting his hands on the inside of his pants looks bad. You will have to repeat, repeat, and repeat again. They do get the point eventually though. Telling him the reasons why are totally unnecessary. A "We don't do that in public." should work just fine at this age.

Fortunately, the tendency to have his hand where it does not belong leaves for a few years. School and friends become such a big part of their lives that they forget about it. Just when you think he has broken his habit for good, the next phase comes. This is where I stand with my son now. You have some explaining to do this time.

As I said before, my somewhat pubescent son is nine. His love is PC games, but he will admit to looking at his female classmates. My husband and I have our belts buckled. He is starting to ask questions of a deeply sexual nature. Showing his age and recent growth of puberty, we have been quite honest. One question he asked was if it was OK to touch himself. At this age, I do not think it can be avoided. It is a part of sexual maturation and puberty. We set down ground rules however. Proper ways to act like a gentleman during a hormonal time of life.

1. No hands in pants in public, ever.

2. The only time it is proper is at home when he is alone.

3. No talk about it to friends. We discourage "locker room" talk.

4. Ignore it otherwise. The more you make of it at this age, the more they will do it just to annoy you.

"Playing with themselves" is going to happen eventually. It is a matter of how you handle the situation with your son. There are factors to consider. Is he growing up sexually? If so, that takes patience and space and should be encouraged. How old is he? Is he doing it to get you attention? Think about the reasons why before overreacting. It is just another part of growing up. It is really a " You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink." thing. To try to fight against your boy's will is almost pointless after puberty strikes. You can expect to be respected, however.

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