There are many reasons that someone would carry on an extra-marital relationship. Some people do it for selfish ego boosting reasons. Others are compelled because of a total lack of love and respect for a partner they never wanted to be with. Some people just like the excitement of doing somethng that they are not supposed to, the adrenaline rush. Whatever the reason, when a man or woman decides to complicate their lives in this way, and it does complicate things, they have decided to set aside any moral qualms and put their relationships and sometimes their reputations at risk.
A few months ago, I started an affair with a married woman. She started it, to be more precise. Not that it matters, we are both accountable for our actions, but I probably would have been too chicken to make a move to begin with. It started with jokes and harmless flirting. We texted each other incessantly about everything from the idiocy of pop culture to cult classic movies. We really clicked with each other and I thought that I had found a good friend in her. I had also begun to develope a rapport with her husband. He was a good guy and he seemed to genuine like me as well.
Things started to change one day when I got a text from her asking if I wanted to go out for drinks. At first I thought she meant with her and a group of friends, or maybe her and her husband. Soon I realized that she meant just the two of us. I wasn't sure how to reply so I strung her a long fro a week while I wrestled for an answer. With more than a little trepidation, I accepted her offer. She swung by my place and picked me up. We found a little hole in the wall near my apartment that was secluded enough. The conversation was standard for us. We argued on whether or not I Spit On Your Grave was really worth being called a cult classic. I said no. She staunchly disagreed. I thought that my apprehensions were resolved. We were just two friends having drinks. So what, right? It wasn't until we pulled up back at my place that she made her intentions clear. "Don't I get a hug?" she said as I stepped out of the car. "Sure. I guess." She got out and gave me a warm bear hug. We stood there for a while. She massaged my back while squeezing me close. It was then that I knew that she wanted to be more than friends.
Things seemed to happen in a whirlwind after that. She started coming over on a weekly basis giving me massages, telling me how she thoguht of me every day, and feeding my waning ego. It was too long before we started having sex. It was wonderful. I could feel how much she wanted me and I think she knew how much I wanted her. Once I asked her if she felt guilty. All she could say was that she felt guilty about not feeling guilty.
Unfortunately, like most infidelity stories, this one doesn't have a happy ending. It's not for the reasons that you would think either. Her husband never found out about us, neither one of us had a sudden burst of conscience, and there seemed to be no other reason to stop. Then came the other woman.
An old flame of mine fell on some hard times and asked if she and her children could stay with me for awhile. I was happy to have her with me and thought that it could be an opportunity to rekindle or relationship. I didn't want to lie to the woman I had been seeing, so I told her the truth. I thought that it would give her some comfort knowing that I was not so infatuated with her that I would cause problems in her marriage. I was wrong.
When I started bringing my friend around I noticed that the woman I was sleeping with got really stand offish and rude. She would scowl and creep off to one corner of the room, making for an uncomfortable situation. When I confronted her about it, she went off on me claiming that I did not respect her and that I should not put aonther woman in front of her. I told her that it was not my job to put her first, it was her husband's. She didn't take that very well. In so many words, I let her know that I was not going to ask my friend to leave and that she was going to have to get used to that. We sat in silence for a moment, then I left.
Over the next few weeks she tried unsuccessfully to contain her jealousy. During one conversation about her past with her husband and her reason for cheating on him became clear. Though I had been her first tryst since she had been married, she cheated without compunction while they were dating and even while they were engaged. She showed me a lifetime worth of insecurity and selfishness. She had a serious need to feel special and appreciated and the second she didn't, there was hell to pay.
The relationship dissolved after that. She would not stand to come in second (even though she expected me to) and I had no patience to blind jealousy. I feel bad that it couldn't have ended on better terms and even worse that it couldn't have ended because we realized that it was wrong. But the one thing I got from this was the knowledge that being the other man is not all it's cracked up to be.