by Kim Russell

Created on: November 07, 2009   Last Updated: November 09, 2009

Of course, fathers have equal rights to their children. But the wording of the question itself just p*es me off! It is not about the father. Or the mother. We have to change our focus as parents, and as a society in general: it is all about the children. Many people get frustrated with me when I raise this argument, saying I am just arguing semantics. I totally agree. I am arguing semantics, but the consequences of using the semantics of "parents' rights" versus "children's rights," is worth discussion and/or argument, if necessary.

Grown-up (we would hope) divorcing parents are so guilty of getting caught up in their own "rights" that they forget they are dealing with wee small little ones who are totally dependent on their parents to make the right decisions for them, divorce pending or not. Parents cannot approach the issue of post-divorce co-parenting from the notion of their rights. Yes, both parents want their children equal time, but is that truly in the best interests of their children? For example, if one parent has to be at work at 6am, is it fair to the children that they are out of bed at 5am and sitting in a before-school room until school starts at 8am when the other parent is sitting at home doing nothing until they have to be at work at 9am? There is no fairness to this scenario. Or, what if one parent is a nurse and works rotating 12 hour shifts. Is it fair to have the kids on a seven day schedule with each parent, which leaves the children at home and unsupervised for periods of time when that parent is at work and the other parent is available to provide care.? Again, a resounding NO.

We must start thinking about the rights of the children: how to maximize their time with both parents, scheduling time with parents that permits supervision and safety, the children's history of where and how they have celebrate holidays, the child's age and attachment to either or both parents, and then take into consideration how the children feel about certain things (but not allowing them to be the decision-makers; that is the job of the parents). One of the most important but over-looked rights of children is to been seen as people and not as objects. To do this, we must eradicate the words custody and visitation from our language bank. No one owns (has custody of) their children; and no one visits (they parent) their children. How does a child feel when they are under their impression that they are going to "visit" their father/mother? Does this not demote

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