HOW TO MASTER THE ART OF ALONENESS AND TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE
The simple answer to how you master aloneness so that you are not only comfortable and able to cope with it, but happy with it, is to remember that being alone is not the same as being lonely. There are times when people who crave company have no choice but to be on their own because of their lifestyle or the situation that presents itself to them. For example, a single mum might be stuck at home with a baby all day because she finds it difficult to get out and nobody comes to visit her. An elderly person might be housebound due to their disabilities and age and feel like a lonely prisoner in their own home. It is when we can honestly say that we like being on our own that we have mastered the art of aloneness.
I know people who hate being alone and do anything they can within their power to always be surrounded by people. One of them will go out to any group or club that is within travelling distance, even if nobody there knows her and the subject matter is not really of interest to her. She just feels the need to be with someone or a group of people constantly. The other is a man who hates being at home alone so much that he will go out and sit on a train all day staring out the window looking at people rather than be at home on his own. In a way what he is doing is no different to being at home watching the television, and watching something that you like on the television might be a lot more interesting than watching people walking around, but he gets something from a few words here and there and being close to them. Then I know another lady who has the art of aloneness sussed to perfection. She lives in a very high rise apartment, a very old building with no lifts, and she is happy to potter around her apartment most days not seeing anyone at all. Once a week or so she ventures out to get the weekly shopping, which she is happy to do, but she is just as happy to get back to her home and do whatever again. She does not have a computer and she is not into reading but she makes herself busy with cooking, television, reading the daily newspaper and keeping in touch with a few friends by phone. She is one of the happiest people l have ever known.
The truth is that some of us hate being alone, others can cope with it and others like it. But to become someone who likes it you have to like yourself and like the things you do to use your time. If you can honestly say that you enjoy reading and you can treasure those times that you sit there with a good book rather than hankering after someone walking in, or the phone ringing, or wishing you had somewhere to go, then you have mastered the art of aloneness. Being comfortable in your own skin with who and what you are and seeing how you can enjoy that time alone is the key. If you are single and you are always wishing that you had a husband and kids around you think on and remember that those kids could be running around the place screaming, breaking things, writing on the wall and causing arguments. Your husband might start off as an interesting person and then gradually become quite boring to you and seem to be in the way. There are lots of people who are married or living with others who hate it, and would love to be on their own. So, is it a case of how the grass is always greener on the other side? Maybe it is, I love living on my own and I have mastered the art of aloneness. With me it is a choice, not something that has been forced on me by circumstances. Now I would not swap it for living with anyone no matter how nice or interesting or special that person is. When you can honestly say that without fibbing you have mastered the art of aloneness.