by Beauregard Fox

Created on: November 06, 2009   Last Updated: November 08, 2009

I spent most of my life growing up in a small town in Massachusetts. It was a town once built on industry, the home of one of the first factories in the US, the final resting place of the industrialist Samuel Slater. It is a working class town, with a half dozen churches, and more gun stores than book stores. And it was here that I had to come to terms with being gay.

My parents are devout Catholics. We went to church every Sunday. I was enrolled in the parochial elementary school, where Catholicism was taught along with math, reading, and science. It seemed completely normal to me. It wasn't until I started attending prep school that I began to awaken to my own identity.

The same year I started prep school, the Massachusetts Supreme Court ruled that it was unconstitutional to deny gays the right to marry, and thus my home state became the first state in the country to allow same sex marriages. This, naturally, did not go over well with the pastor of our church.

I can still remember hearing the pastor, a man whose policy was "if it was done in the church in Poland 200 years ago, it must be right," giving sermon after sermon about how same sex marriage would destroy marriage, and in turn, our society. He never did explain how or why this would happen, but he assured us that we had to do something. There were numerous collections, and even petitions, encouraging the congregation to speak out against same sex marriage, and let it come to a vote.

During this time, I had started attending a nearby Catholic prep school in Connecticut. Here, too, religion was part of the curriculum. All students were required to take three years worth of theology courses, among them, courses on the Old and New Testaments, and on Christian (Catholic) Morality.

When I came to the realization that I was gay, and started coming out to my friends, I had serious reservations about the Church. There were bouts when I'd question my own morality in the basis of being gay. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was the Church that was wrong, not me.

I was blessed with friends who were completely accepting of me after I came out to them. I knew that my mother wouldn't accept it, so it was a real relief to know that my peers didn't look down on me for being gay. But eventually, word got out about my being gay. I stopped trying to deny it. I didn't openly announce that I was gay, but anyone who asked, I told.

I ended up being dragged in to see the Headmistress or the Dean of Students numerous times. I strongly suspect they were digging for reasons to expel me. After all, they didn't want to make it look like they were "encouraging homosexuality" by graduating a homosexual. They'd even suppressed a story I wrote for the school's art and literary magazine, about two male friends who fall in love and share a first kiss.

I didn't let them stop me. I pushed on. I didn't let the pastor's diatribes against homosexuality deter me. I kept my nose clean to keep the administrators from expelling me. I reached out through the Internet and connected with other gay males. I found a niche for myself.

It has been said that growing up gay is the most difficult and confusing experience a young person can face. I did not have a difficult or confusing experience growing up gay. I picked my battles. I fought where I felt I needed to; I remained quiet when there was nothing to be gained. As I attend college and take the next big step in my life, I have not, and will not, forget where I have come from, nor forget how blessed I am to have survived my teen years relatively unscathed. I am gay, I am proud, and I hope that other gay youths will be lucky enough to avoid the hardships that can come with growing up gay.

Learn more about this author, Beauregard Fox.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.