by Beauregard Fox

Created on: November 06, 2009   Last Updated: November 07, 2009

It's been several years since I first came out of the closet. I've had to do it numerous times, to many people. The one thing I've found is that there is never really a "right" time or way to do it.

The first time I came out to anyone was in the ninth grade. It was toward the end of my first year of prep school. In hindsight, Catholic school is not a good place to come out, and yet I didn't want to hide it. The first person I told wasn't particularly close to me at the time. She was my identical twin's girlfriend.

First, for the record, I don't have a biological identical twin. My "identical twin" was a friend of mine, a year old than me (and a year ahead in school) who looked so much like me, the resemblance was uncanny. We were often mistaken for each other by administrators and teachers (so it was a good thing he was a good kid!).

But back to my story. I first started talking to my twin's girlfriend after we met in a chat room online with a few of our classmates. We chatted for a long while on AIM, and eventually I came out to her. We got really close after that. In short order, I came out to the rest of my friends, none of whom had any issues with it. It probably helped that they weren't particularly devoted to Catholicism, but at any rate, I'd covered the first big hurdle: I came out to my friends, and didn't lose any of them.

The next big one was coming out to my parents. My dad was (and is) completely oblivious to my existence despite living with us, so I didn't bother talking to him. He's not a real parent. When I came out to my parents, it was to my mother.

I told her one day when I picked her up from work. It wasn't anything flashy. "Mom, I'm gay," I told her. She didn't take it well. She wanted to know how I knew. I told her I just knew. She didn't accept it. In her own words, "You've never dated anyone, so how can you know?" Of course, dating has nothing to do with love, but I wasn't going to get into that argument with her. She immediately followed up with a warning not to let anyone else in the family know. I shrugged it off. My grandparents were old and sickly, so it might be better not to let them know, and some of my parents' siblings were definitely of the right-wing Catholic persuasion, and wouldn't "approve."

This may not have been the best time to tell her. The topic has come up numerous times, and each time she mentions it, it always comes along with "how can you be certain?" and "won't you at least try to have a relationship with a woman?" I refuse. First of all, she's telling me that I don't know how I feel. Not going to accept that. Second of all, I don't feel attracted to women. I'm not going to try to have a relationship with someone I have no interest in. It's ludicrous, even if my mother refuses to acknowledge it.

I know I'll eventually come out to the rest of the family. I imagine a good portion of them will disown me, but I don't care. I hardly see them, anyway, so it makes no difference to me what they think of me. All I hope is that I can find a better time and way to let the rest of them know.

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