by Global Urbanist

Created on: November 06, 2009   Last Updated: November 07, 2009

Locals are the most useful source of local knowledge so connecting with them is how to begin fitting in. The challenge is taking the first steps toward meeting people.

I once inquired to a friend, " how do you seem to know everyone? The shopkeepers, the students, the tourists, and the locals, you just seem to know everyone and everything going on." As we were talking a tourist walked up and asked for directions. I dismissively pointed him toward his destination eager to get back to the conversation. My friend had a different reaction. He asked the tourist," where he was from? Where was he going? How was his trip so far?" He gathered the tourist was looking for some night life and advised him where to go that night. Back to our conversation my friend said, that was how he knew everyone. He spotted opportunities to ask questions, and built a conversation around the answers. I didn't pick up on it right away and found it nosy and awkward asking strangers questions. Then I moved to a new city and began to understand and make the most of the friend's advice.

When moving to a new city you have to connect with the locals to fit in. Take opportunities no matter how insignificant to strike up a conversation. It could be a grocery store line, a shared cafeteria table, or an elevator ride. Look for opportune moments and not opportune people. Don't be biased because a person is too old, young, ugly, or not your style. You are not looking for a date or a friend, but rather a conversation rich in local knowledge. Of course these conversations can evolve into a friendship, but as new resident you would probably just be content with a few acquaintances to start. Begin by asking a question... "How's your day going today? Nice clothes, did you get them at..? Are you heading to work or heading home?" The question should be personal, so they have to think about themselves. Asking about the weather, doesn't really get a person thinking about themselves or their actions.

Then try to build another question on top of their response. They say I'm going to work, then you ask is it near or do you have a ways to go? Building on the responses shows that you are listening to them and another question gets them to answer something else about themselves. Don't feel the questions are intrusive because everyone loves to talk about themselves. Don't fall into the trap of talking about yourself unless specifically asked a question. When you are new to the city the point is for you to learn from locals, rather than them learning about you. Careful on how judgemental you are in the conversation. When the local says "I hate the rain", don't say "I love the rain". Ask ,"Why do they hate the rain? Is it always this rainy during this season?" You can increase the opportune moments for meeting people by taking part in additional activities. A part-time job, volunteering, or recreational classes are filled with chances to strike up conversations and learn more about your new city.

To really fit in you can start using some of the colloquial language. Pay attention to the informal names for places in the city; the Docks, the West End, the Loop. You can also use some of the local jargon, though this will cause family and friends to make fun of you. Maybe it's called pop and not soda, holiday and not vacation, washroom and not restroom. The more you speak with the locals the less unusual the regional dialect becomes.
Moving to a new city has it's challenges. Just remember wherever you move to people love to talk about themselves so ask a lot of questions. The more you speak with the locals the quicker you'll learn how to fit in.

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