Larry Turkey

Turkey Whacking Farms

The End of the Road

Pen 2045

Harrisonburg VA 17123

President Barac Obama

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW

Washington DC 20500

Dear President Obama,

It has been widely reported in the Turkey community that through the power of your magnanimous Office it is the custom to pardon one of us lucky turkeys from being killed and cooked for Thanksgiving. Bro, if I may call you that, and I mean no disrespect by this, many of the gentlemen that feed and take care of us call each other Bro, or Ermano, so I'm assuming that this is a friendly form of address, I really don't want to wind up being killed and having chestnuts and bread cubes put where they shouldn't be. It is the killing that especially bothers me, but also, in the hands of an inexperienced cook, I could be cremated and that is really against the belief system that I hold so sacred.

As I am one of the three turkeys that have been chosen for delivery to the White House, I'd like to put my case for clemency before you.

Firstly, it is my understanding that African-Americans, generally speaking, prefer ham and other pork products. I hope this isn't coming off the wrong way, and if it is I apologize sincerely, but this is the scuttle but around the yard. In this light, I feel certain that you would prefer a nice Virginia ham studded with cloves and basted in pomegranate molasses. That really sounds good, doesn't it? After all, pork is the other White Meat. Oh, dear! Did I say something inappropriate again? I'm really sorry, but my impending doom may be acting upon my fevered imagination. So, we are good Bro, right?

Secondly, I have never voted Republican. Well, I know that, technically, mind you, I can't vote but I assure you, that I would never do so and the diversity that your party represents is what attracts me to your point of view. Perhaps we should be allowed to vote, I don't see that it would make matters much worse anyway. Granted, I was initially attracted to the Republicans Right to Life platform, but I was aghast to find out that it didn't pertain to executions. So in a way, you would be doing a great mischief to one of your most ardent supporters.

Thirdly, I would be a terrific addition to any Children's Zoo, as I would never peck at or otherwise hurt a child. I know there was one incidentbut I was completely taken by surprise when I was calmly eating my morning meal, and a small boy snuck up behind me and plucked one of my tail feathers, Well, there

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