by Carmel Brulez

Created on: November 06, 2009

HUMOR: HUSBANDS

As if we have not already got a difficult problem filled life, we go and do something totally ridiculous and stupid, get married and acquire a husband. Our family and friends have probably waved their arms around in despair warning us not to marry this character, but did we listen? NO. Either we are stupid or insane. Now you have come to your senses and realise what a huge mistake you have made.

It takes time to get a separation and divorce so how do you cope with your mistake in the meantime? Firstly, if you meet any other men that you fancy do not tell them that you are married. The decent ones will not date a married woman, they shy away and go off to find someone single and less complicated and committed. Pretend you are single as, after all, it will not be long before this is true. Secondly, make sure you have arranged to visit a lot of friends and clubs, take up a lot of interests, so that you can escape from your mistake at every opportunity and do not have to spend much time with him. At least if you are out all the time you will not have to endure him for more than maybe half an hour at a time. Thirdly, sort ouf your finances so that you will have as much as possible when you are divorced. Fourthly, make excuses for why you must sleep in the spare room. Telling your husband you have a dodgy back and need to lay very still all night on a very hard bed should do it. At least you will not have to endure listening to him snore all night or worse!

In the meantime try to endure this awful life for as long as possible ticking the days off on a calender. Your mistake must have lots of faults and be very difficult to be with, but perhaps there are a few saving graces, things about him which make it a bit more tolerable. Get him to do the housework and shopping if you can. You can use the excuse that with your bad back you cannot do it yourself. Get him to cook you meals and wash up after. Encourage him to get a job with very long hours and go around to his parents a lot. There are all sorts of ways you can water down the impact this mistake has on you. One good way is to sit on a computer all night pretending you are working online while he sits in the other room without you.

Hopefully you have now seen the light and realise how awful being married is and will not make the same mistake twice.

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