by Carmel Brulez

Created on: November 06, 2009

HUMOR: HOW TO SAVE MONEY ON YOUR WINTER ENERGY BILL

Why some people insist on putting their central heating on during the Winter confuses me. It is totally unnecessary if you just use a bit of common sense instead. Central heating, or any heating, is expensive, so why do they do it? It is because they have this silly notion that they should be warm at all times! Rubbish.

The best way to save money on your Winter energy bill is to get used to being cold and get to like it and never use your heating again, it will save you a lot of money. When you have a bath fill the bath tub with ice cubes and very cold water or shower using freezing cold water. Maybe the first few times it will seem cold but then you will exhiilarated by it and then you will start to really like it and look forward to it. Throw open all the doors and windows and invite the cold air, rain and snow in, it is lovely. It is not your enemy it is your friend. There is nothing nicer than sitting in a freezing cold room shivering. And stop being so weedy and wearing lots of clothes! All of those jumpers and cardigans. Become a nudist and sit there totally naked. This means you save money on clothes and no longer need to do so much washing and ironing, saving time and money. There is nothing wrong with being cold. Instead of drinking coffee drink ice cold beer. Throw that duvet off the bed and lay there covered in nothing but a thin sheet.

You can even cut your winter bills more by no longer eating cooked food. Cooked food is over rated and totally unnecessary. Cut up a cabbage into tiny pieces and mix with mayonnaise and slithers of carrot. It is nutritious and the fibre and roughage aids your digestion system. Drink a glass of pure fruit or vegetable juice first thing in the morning to get you started, then snack on nuts and fruit until bed time.

The Government are going to set up special classes and an education system to teach people this new way of living. They are very keen that we embrace this new lifestyle as quickly as possible as it will help with the global warming issues. Tthe less we use heating the better it is for the planet. You will be able to go to evening classes and buy books which explain this whole new way of life in great detail. Once you embrace this new lifestyle you will find that not only are you saving money on your winter energy bill, and clothes, but you will become much healthier. Because you are building up a resistance to flu viruses and other germs you will be less liable to become ill and live a much longer life. In turn you will be so fit and healthy you will no longer be ill, no longer need to take time off of work or go to hospital. It will become compulsory to lead what will be known as the "fit for life" lifestyle, with people who refuse to turn off their heating being fined with a possibility of community service.

All you have to do now is decide how you will spend the money you save on heating.

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