Emotions are high, you think you're in love, kissing is turning to petting, and you find yourself asking, "Am I ready for sex?"
Even if you think you're sure that you're ready to have sex for the first time, there are some things you need to know. Sex is the most personal experience you can share with another person, but if you don't have the facts, it can lead to all sorts of horrible things. Some are so drastic that they can change your life forever, or even kill you.
How do you know if you're ready? Here are some questions you need to ask yourself before you decide if having sex is right for you.
1.How well do you know your partner?
You may think you know some one just because you've been going out with them for a while, but how well do you really know them? Do you know if they've had sex before? How many people have they had sex with? Have they been tested for STDs? Are they willing to take the time to talk to you about your concerns, or are they only interested in having sex for the sake of having sex? Have you been going out for over a year? If you haven't, there is no way you can know them well enough to even consider thinking about making a decision to have sex.
After having sex, you may feel like you've done something wrong, or that you're very vulnerable. If you decide to have sex, you need to make sure it's with some one who you are very comfortable with that will talk to you about your feelings afterward. It's best if you wait until you're married, but don't ever do it with some one you're not in love with. That doesn't mean some one you have a really big crush on. Love is different than lust. If you don't know the difference, having sex is a bad choice for you right now.
2.Are you being pressured?
Are you thinking about having sex because you want to, or because you feel like your boyfriend or girlfriend wants you to? Have they used phrases like:
"Everyone is having sex" "It will be great, I promise" "If you love me, you'll do it" "Don't you want our relationship to move to the next level?" "I won't hurt you"
If so, then they are pressuring you into having sex. This is wrong. No one should ever pressure some one else into having sex. That's sexual abuse. When you share your body with some one else, it's the most special gift you can give anyone, and it needs to be treated like a special gift. Sex is not something you do because you need to get it out of the way. If you're feeling pressured even a little bit, you are not ready for sex. If you don't want to, even a little bit, you're not ready to think about sex.
3.Do you need to be drunk or on drugs?
Sex can be awkward, painful, and messy, especially the first time. You aren't sure what to do, how to move, you're embarrassed to be exposed, and it's new and weird. Don't ever use drugs or alcohol to "loosen up" so that you can have sex. If you feel like you need those things, you are not ready for sex. If it's not something you would do sober, it's not something you need to be doing.
4.Do I know the legalities of sex?
In every state and country, the laws of legal consent are different. Generally, they are between the ages of 16 and 18. In Muslim countries, sex is illegal if you're not married. Do you know the legal repercussions of having sex where you live? If you don't, you need to find out.
Laws vary for the age difference of people having sex under the age of 18 too. Wouldn't it be a shame if the boy or girl you loved had to register as a sex offender for the rest of his or her life because you couldn't wait to have sex? If you really loved and respected the person you were with, you would never do anything to put them in harm's way, and visa-versa. What if you were the one who had to register? That ruins your chances of careers, marriage, children, and puts a stigma on you that you're a child molester for the rest of your life. Neighbors would run you out of your home when they found out. News reporters would follow you around asking why you're a pedophile trying to live in a neighborhood full of kids or near a school. People would commit hate crimes against you. Not to mention the jail time involved. If you don't know the laws, you'd better learn them, because in some states, even if both teens are consenting, they can do jail time and be forced to register as sex offenders for life. Who wants that just for five measly minutes of sex?
5.What do I know about sex?
Do you know what sex is? Do you understand how to do it, or what happens while you're doing it? Do you know why these things happen? What about different sexually transmitted diseases? Do you feel like you're doing something wrong or dirty? Do you feel like your partner might laugh at you, or make fun of you later?
If you don't understand the mechanics of sex, the consequences, and you feel vulnerable or ashamed before it even happens, you're not ready. There are a lot of things that can happen during sex that might be scary if you don't understand it. Learn about sexually transmitted diseases. There are some that not even condoms will protect you from. Your future is more important than making a boyfriend or girlfriend happy. Knowledge is power, get some.
6.What about my partner?
Can you have discussions with your partner about your concerns? Does your partner listen and talk about your feelings as well as theirs? If you can't talk about things like pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease, and the things that occur during sex, you are definitely not ready to have sex.
7.What does safe sex mean?
Do you know how to protect against pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases? Do you know how to use a condom? Have you practiced putting one on a cucumber or banana? If you don't know how to use contraceptives with confidence, you're not ready for sex.
What about other forms of contraceptives in case your condom should break? Did you know that happens? What would you do if your condom broke and you became pregnant or contracted a disease? Would you feel ashamed, scared, or embarrassed? Are you ready to be responsible for a child? If you don't have a plan in place, don't have sex. Another thing, if you're not ready to become a parent right now, you're not ready for sex. It can happen no matter what birth control you use. Are you ready for that?
8.What about belief systems and religion?
If you or your partner do not want to have sex due to personal beliefs or religion, do not have sex. Have you made a plan to abstain until marriage? Don't have sex until your wedding night. There are few things that most people regret in their lives, and shacking up at a young age or before marriage tops the list. It's better to wait until you're married because you'll be sharing the most special part of your person with the most special person in your life. If you feel this way, even a little, you're not ready. If your partner feels this way, or has a religious or personal belief that they need to be married to have sex, you have to respect that.
9.Why do I want to have sex?
Everyone wants to have sex because of the obvious reason, because it feels good. Most people don't know that there's more to sex than physical sensation until it's too late. Do you want to have sex because you think it will make your partner happy? Is it because you're the last virgin in your circle of friends? Is it because you think you're in love? Do you know if your partner is in love with you? There are a lot of reasons that people have sex, such as acceptance and attention, and if you don't know why you want to do it, it's best to wait.
10.What about when I'm older?
A lot of conflict in adult relationships revolves around what you did as a teenager. If you had a lot of sex, you're going to have a hard time finding a partner who won't judge you for that. Do you want to have to lie about your past, or feel ashamed about what you've done? How are you going to explain yourself when the topic comes up?
Think into the future. Where do you see yourself in five, or even ten years? When you look back at your teen years, do you want to remember loosing your virginity at the age you are? Would you want your child to loose their virginity at the age you are? Why?
These are all questions you need to ask yourself before you make the decision to have sex. Not only that, you need to be able to discuss them openly with your partner and still feel confident about your answers. Then, together, you can make a decision on whether or not waiting is the right choice for you.
You only loose your virginity once. Do you want it to be a special event shared with some one who has pledged their life to you, or do you want it to be with some random partner out of sheer convenience and stupid teenage lust? Think before you act, and you'll make better choices for you, your body, your partner, your career, your future, and it will make you a stronger role model for your children.