by Ganelle Davis

Created on: November 06, 2009

Each morning, I wandered by the empty room, my daughter once occupied before she went away to college in another state. I wondered if I should remove the beanie babies adorning each inch of shelf space. I had been told the small stuffed animals would gather dust. I dared not get rid of them, instead, I shook them to loosen the dust and then placed them neatly back onto the exact same spot they had occupied. My daughter would be returning for Thanksgiving Holiday. The room would be just as she left it, a bed immaculately made up, just like the day she left, floors vacuumed, trash can emptied. The room would welcome her arrival back home. If you expect your child/semi adult to return for breaks, how disheartening it would be to return home, with no indication you ever lived there. You might even feel as though they were glad to get rid of you. I never wanted our daughter to have that feeling of "good riddance, glad you're gone". Marriage is quite different, you don't want them both to return home. No son or daughter and spouse in tow is definitely not an option. Leaving the room as it once was, may be too inviting. Turning the room into a guest room or office may be an option. This should be done immediately.

I admit, some of keeping her room exactly as she left it, was for me. I missed her and wanted to see her soon. Those days, at times were excruciating. Like most mothers, I wondered, if she was eating properly, if she was getting enough rest and lastly if she was prioritizing her school lessons. The news of her getting exceptional grades and landing on the Dean's list quelled the latter concern. Unlike the usual freshman five pounds that are gained, our daughter lost weight. She would not cave into fast food binge eating. She always stated, eating like that made her feel ill.

The first year, flew by in a haze of Holidays and spring break. My daughter had gotten use to the small confines of her dorm room and spent endless hours in her room with the door closed tightly. This action at times offended me, because I never invited myself into her room. Any argument that ensued over her room was quickly countered by a correction,"the room". I reminded her out of courtesy for her, I kept the room exactly how she left it. In hindsight , should I have made it apparent that this was a room in our house? I don't think so. Life moves so quickly. Don't anticipate your next move. You will know when it's time to move on.

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