by Bradford Barrett

Created on: November 06, 2009

In 5th grade I had a tape recorder, and walked around leaving notes to myself. I really didn't plan ahead as to when I was going to listen to these notes. But honestly in 5th grade who plans ahead? Except the people who are smart enough to run the planet. (Yet paradoxically it is for this very reason we must not let them run the planet.)

But I digress; I've come across this tape recorder in my fumblings and rumblings through the accumulated glory of my room's junk and dust. With a change of batteries my 1990's era tape recorder holding the unabridged wisdom of 12 year old me has been opened. This opening of a time portal into a younger, simpler time has yielded good news and bad news.

Bad News: My maturity level hasn't increased a great deal.

Good News: My maturity level hasn't decreased a great deal either.


Note to Self: Mrs. Davies (teacher) does not take practical jokes well.
Note to Self: Should probably move out of listening distance before making notes about people.
Note to Self: People generally unpleased,
Note to Self: VITAL NOTE! Must grow up to be athletic.
Note to Self: Athletic or just attractive to girls...when they stop being gross.
Note to Self: Misapplication of "give me liberty or give me death" quote may lead to getting my name on the board.
Note to Self: Practice correct application of previously mentioned Patrick Henry verbage.
Note to Self: Correct application of "give me liberty or give me death" quote makes Katie Adams cry.
Note to Self: MUST GROW UP TO BE PATRICK HENRY!
Note to Self: Remember to destroy Matthew Mitchels upon election to Presidency of country.
Note to Self: Must remember to bring down family and friends as well.
Note to Self: Must abolish math.
Note to Self: Watched movie of Nazi's burning books, so far they seem like good people.
Note to Self: Upon becoming adult must eat ice cream every day.
Note to Self: When grown up must burn down Matthew mitchel's house and take allowance.
Note to Self: Adults LIE! Science is not fun.
Note to Self: Robbing banks seems like better source of income than allowance, must follow up.
Note to Self: Advance air to gold invention construction timetable.
Note to Self: Must remember to remind others of my genius more often, people are starting to forget.
Note to Self: When I get heat vision I must melt Matthew Mitchell's shoes, while he's wearing them.

There are more, but I'm tired and most of them are about homework assignments I either took too seriously or not seriously enough. So I fast-forwarded to my last entry.

SUPER IMPORTANT NOTE TO SELF: Must remember to never grow up and be stupid. (You have to understand; stupid was a super sinful bad word then. A conveyant of deep and unyielding emotion that I must retain my 5th grade brilliancy forever.)

And as far as I can tell, I have.


PS. I now remember everything Matthew Mitchell did to me, and I'm going to go fill his inbox with spam and put sand in his lunchbox.

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