by Bradford Barrett

Created on: November 05, 2009

"...Bradford Patrick Barrett"
"Present."
"It sounds Irish"
"It is, thank goodness."
"Like so Irish you could drink a dockworker under the table. you drink?"
"No, but with a name like this maybe I should"


I can trace my social deviance back to the first complex concept I understood: 'Other boys had simple names like john or billy, my name was long and un-familiar and that was bad.' The possessor of such a foreign name must be just as peculiar. It probably didn't help that when I met someone new I said my name was Bradford Patrick Barrett. Most everyone did everything grammatically possible to shorten and simplify, thomas to tom. While I missed the memo, unaware of this basic need to identify until it was far too late. And I tried shortening the full exaggeration and embellishment that I began official social interaction with. Bradford to brad. Unable to break into the hierarchy, I then made the most foolish mistake a kid can- I gave up, moved on, and took up reading.

"And what's in a name? Trash, by any other name, still must be taken out to the curb on Mondays and Thursdays..."

A lot of people have a lot of anger against names. I don't get that. Names like most things in life are completely neutral, usage makes every difference. A lot of people don't think names matter- call these people veronica and see how much they like it. Call a Porsche, a car-will the owner not correct you? Names carry the weight of definition.

And definition is a very serious matter.

Definition is the answer to life's most serious question. Who am I. (The very state of being who- assumes the previous question 'What am I')

(Reader's note: This also assumes you won't hunt me down for ignoring other gnawing questions like: Why are we here? What is love? What's the point of it all? These are a bit too meaty for mere facebook blogs and very sensible and pragmatic people have already given up answering them in favor of the more immediate and attainable: What shall I eat for lunch? When is the bus getting here? and the ever popular-Where is my goddamn tv remote?)

And really 'What am I' is a great deal simpler saving a whole lot of people a whole lot of sleepless nights and mental anguish. Most of the question is answered by Webster and his ingenious system of handing out names and definitions. Not only ingenious for creating a unified language-
but for lending himself the power to define.

While the power to tax, quarter troops, and confiscate property is highly regulated. The understated power to define is as open as it misunderstood. The power to define is the power to assign beauty, designate influence, create desirability. It is to tax, to quarter, to confiscate- self worth, creativity, chaos, and order. The gate of Heaven and Hell open to the man who has the power to define.

The hilarious thing-people give away this essential power all the time.
To anyone. To everyone.

Today-self define. or don't.

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