by Bradford Barrett

Created on: November 05, 2009

The 7 Reasons I Hate Science

1. Zombie Apocalypse-Science makes messes that it can never clean up. Case and point: undead cannibals that infect people, making them undead cannibals who...see the problem? Put a child in a graveyard at night and it freaks out, why? Because instinctively we know it's just a matter of time until some genius in a lab coat makes people rise from the grave. Frankenstein was published in 1818, we've known about this whole zombie thing for a while. And when confronted with a soulless undead abomination in literature, what was science's response? "OH YEAH! We can totally do that." I mean I don't want to start a panic, but civilization as we know it will most definitely be overrun by Satan's undead army. It's just a matter of time, unless...

2. Robot Apocalypse-As far as I can figure, science seems completely made up of a mad competition between bioscientists making evil zombies and mechanical scientists making evil robots. Maybe we'll hit the jackpot and have simultaneous holocausts. Ever since the typewriter and the steam engine people have been worried about mechanical armies bent on the destruction of all life. Ever since the typewriter and the steam engine there has been tireless inquiry by scientists interested in speeding the process along. It's like someone watched terminator and thought, "Awesome, I'll get to work on this immediately." But both of these disasters are just symptoms of the greater disease of...
3. Mad scientists-Really who has heard of mad historians? We're well-mannered people with a firm grip on reality. Our highest achievable goals reach into reading by fireplaces with a glass of scotch. Science has Nikola Tesla, who blew up half of Russia and almost leveled New York with a 3.6 earthquake that he made out of electric playthings in 1899! Brilliant Scientists are noted for being completely and totally unhinged. I mean when was the last time you heard about mad...English professors, bent on world domination, it just doesn't flow. World domination craziness really only applies to our math and science friends. Einstein claimed he built a machine that could cut the earth in half that was no bigger than a coffee table, not to mess around when he died we burned everything he owned. However if you like machines that cut planets in half you might be interested in...
4. The particle accelerator: There is a small chance that when they start this thing they create open some portal into doom world while Gordon Freeman isn't

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