by Margaret Mair

Created on: November 05, 2009   Last Updated: December 09, 2009

When someone you love dies, it is easy to get so caught up in the mechanics of arranging for the disposal of their body that the emotional needs of those left mourning are neglected. And when you choose cremation the lack of traditions to guide you can make it difficult to know what to do. Yet choosing cremation is only one step in the process of saying good-bye to someone you have loved - whether that choice is your own, or the cremation was requested or arranged by the person who has died. And since the cremated body is not difficult to store it is a choice which gives you a great deal of flexibility in choosing the funeral arrangements that would be best.

Even more important than making the decision between cremation and a more traditional burial is deciding how to celebrate the life and mark the death of the person you have loved. Choosing cremation gives you a great deal of flexibility in other areas - flexibility in choosing a place and a time to remember, to grieve, and to say good-bye, as well as in deciding on a place for remembrance and a way to remember.

You can choose visitation at a funeral home with an open or closed casket (which may be rented for the occasion); to have a funeral before or after cremation, with or without a coffin or the urn; to bury the ashes, and have a ceremony at the burial site; or to decide upon and devise a unique and very personal ceremony to mark your loved one's death. Whatever form the gathering or ceremony takes, it is the time to mark the end of a loved one's life, an opportunity to celebrate their achievements and all that made them unique and a place and time for family and friends to remember them, celebrate their life, grieve their loss and say good-bye.

You can also choose what to do with their ashes, keeping in mind their wishes and your own feelings. Some people ask that their remains be scattered in places that were dear to them, and you can choose to do that soon after their death, or much later. You may choose to scatter their ashes in a cemetery's scattering garden, specially created just for that purpose. You can decide to keep the ashes in a special container or urn, or to bury them in a cemetery plot, or or to keep them in a private niche in a Columbarian.

Finally, whether ashes are scattered, buried or stored, family and friends find comfort in having a place to visit where they can remember the person they have loved. When you are ready, you can decide on the best way to create a memorial space for yourself and others, anything from a traditional stone or plaque to a special area to a unique garden. Like the memories, the choices can be uniquely yours.

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